Want a rest...not as sleeping...but from the rush and race in the life....where nobody knows me...and I can be myself...no fear to be judged... just completely myself.

Then , what is stopping you from doing that?

just_me_expressing

3am Thoughts

I feel overwhelmed. Feel like I'm going to explode any second now, I'm seeing my other self in my head swaying underwater just beneath my bed, yikes.

Frustration

Hello,
I believe I have OCD, sexual OCD and it's been hitting me hard for I'm having a stressful event going on .
Therapy is not the option at the moment.
Can you suggest anything that would help me
Anything works 👉👈

Ever heard of blessings in disguise? If you did, then are you worrying now? We are here to live our tiny lives not stressing over things we can't control...

Love

I'm currently reading a book called can't hurt me by David Goggins, I've never in my life liked books or considered taking time to read one, but since I reached the age of 18 years old, I've gone through some really huge mental stress, and with this covid pandemic, my mentality decorated, even more, I was sucking at school more than before, I was depressed, and my life was a big ass mess, so while watching a youtube vid I was recommended to try and read this book, so I said why not cause at this point in my life I felt like I had 2 choices, either try and fix my life for good or just give it up, and this thought process is what got me here.
so while I was reading the book, the guy talked about his horrific childhood, he told everything with details, and when I reached a paragraph on page 32 that challenged me to write a list about the excuses I was throwing at myself and problems I had when I was a kid or just problems that I have right now, it also told me to either post online or just accept it privately, but I decided to do it online since it will give some empowerment  since I've never told these to someone because not even to my own family since I already know they'll probably get angry or just laugh it off but here its goes :
* I grew up so supported and comfortable I never pushed myself 
* I was overlooked for opportunities 
* I was exposed to pornography at a very early age which leads to extreme addiction to it 
* I started gaining weight cause of stress, i calm my self with food or masturbation
* I also suffer from other very bad habits 
*my productivity and efficiency deteriorated very quickly this year
* this pandemic also helped my anxiety and depression to grow even more 
*I'm very weak against struggle, I always try to take the least resistant passage 
*my will power is very weak
*I'm not motivated or driven
* I fear people opinion about me and suffer from social anxiety 
* I've never learned to love myself 
you probably you won't tell but to be honest, I felt a slight relief right now, it feels good to release all of this to whoever reading this after all these years 
ill keep you updated on my progress with the book, have a nice day 
#badhand #canthurtme


Mental Health

I feel sad. Overwhelmed. There's too much pressure. Academics. Career. To look pretty. Do something big. There is just too much expectations from me. And everyone compares me to someone else and makes me feel low about myself. I hate all of them. They are suffocating me. I just want to be alone. Be at peace. Explore my life at my pace. No rat race. But I guess i done have that privilege. I need to survive this or it is going to break me.i can't let that happen again. Already i have been broken once and it took a hell lot of pain to get out of it. I can't revisit that phase again. I just keep fearing what if i end up there again. Coz i don't have the energy and will to go through all of that and pull myself out again. I can't. It's taken too much from me already. I can't end up there again. Everyday i live in that fear. It's eating me from the inside. Just pray that i rise above all this and shut everyone who think i won't make it. 

Failure

Sometimes I wish I could run far away from my problems, somewhere where there's no one, a place where I could be free. I wondered if I could do so, would my problems all disappear?

Of course, running away is never the answer, but I can't help but wish sometimes I could, and forget it ever happened.

Life

For the past few days, I have been avoiding people, not because I had any argument with them, but because I don't know what to do. I am facing problems and I don't want to hurt my close ones, intentionally or unintentionally. My friends say that I can never hurt them, but no one knows me better than myself. Sometimes I get angry, sometimes I feel like crying, I don't feel like meeting anyone or talking to anyone, and I don't have any appetite. I stay up all night like a crazy person. People want me to talk to them, but I don't know what to say, and I'm afraid I might say something that would hurt them. I'm still blaming myself for many things, and I don't want anything anymore. I don't feel like living for myself or for anyone. Every morning, I wake up with this question: When will the day come when I won't wake up? Everyone wants answers from me, but I can't even find answers to my own questions so how can I answer them. I'm tired from all these things. I have no hopes left but I'm trying to make it as long as I can.

It’s the very first day of the new year.. 
ain’t I supposed to be be happy excited enthusiastic and what not ..
But all I’m feeling is numb 
I have no excitement about this life 
All I wanted is some good time in my life .. 
I feel like I’m going through a lot 
I feel like there’s sooo much going on in my head 
I badly want to get these things out of my head 
But I’m scared of people judging me or I’m scared of people betraying me 
I’m the one who there for myself everytime 
I don’t need anyone 
I don’t trust people anymore 
I don’t feel safe sharing what I feel with people 
I wish I could hibernate 


Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts