USED. I feel used…
January 2020 i broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. Im openly gay and him on the other hand likes to hide it which i totally respect. everyone comes out when theyre ready.
Im 20, 21 this year and so is he. We dated for 3 years both being each others first relationship. He ended things because he told me he couldnt do it anymore and that he was now straight?!?!!! very confusing i know.
A year goes by to this year 2021, and we start messaging again. Hes passed his driving test and wanted to pick me up. He did, and he seemed different in a good way, more matured. anyway we dont speak about “us”, we spoke about how weve been, what we’ve been up to etc etc.
Couple weeks go past and he asks if i wanna go see the sunrise on which i agree to. We spend the whole day together after that, then becomes night time and hes on the way home to drop me to my house. He pulls in a car park to chat some more. He then turns to me, looks me in the eyes and says “im so glad we’re friends again” then jumps on me and hugs me so tightly for a while. we then rub cheeks together then look each other in the eyes and make out for ages. It felt amazing, it felt like the old times again, me with my boy again. One thing led to another and stuff happened. Once finished he said to me “I didnt feel anything did you?” and of course i did, i felt like wow this could be another chance, but of course i look and say “no dont be stupid, we’re just friends now, it meant nothing…” Then it was a very quiet drive to my house. I get home and burst out crying.
Its now been 2 days and hes not messaged me. Hes messaged me everyday since we made contact with each other again.
I have sent him a message an hour ago… “Hey i hope youre alright :) Are we okay? because i dont want the other night to effect our friendship”
I love this lad with all my heart and honestly have no idea what to do anymore. Im so confused, but then I think hes even more confused. I dont know what to do. 😕