Upset. I live with my grandma, older brother, uncle and younger brother. I do everything at home. Sometimes i just wanna stay in my room the whole day but i can't because i have responsibilities, people are hungry, they made a mess that i have to clean and my lil brother is practically being raised by me. Im tired, i don't wann take care of anyone, I don't wanna have so many responsibilities. A part of me feels bad for feeling that way. 

Hey aren’t your parents around ? I know it feels really bad when you have to take all the responsibilities but I hope you are taking care of your career too and I really hope things get fine for you sooner 

Thanks... Im studying part time and im left with two years to finish my degree. My mom lives in the city and we live in a small town. This situation has made me bitter but i guess ill wait two years and then be outta here . 

Adulting

I'm scared. I'm so terrified. My mom has told me multiple times that she doesn't think my dad loves her and she just told me she doesn't really love him. And my dad always complains about my mom. I'm so scared that they'll divorce. I don't want anything to change. I want to be selfish for once in my life and have them stay together. I wish I could be happy for once in my life. I wish everything could stay the same and that nothing would change, but everything seems to be changing nowadays and I hate it. What do I do? How can I get through this when I have no one who will listen to me? 

Divorce

Lost in some shock, without blinking an eye, I suffer till late night in the hope of sleep. I wallow in negative feelings without facing problems. If there is no sleep, the desire to eat sleeping pills is strong. Now I don't even look for anyone. I have understood that there is no one here except me.!! I am a self-deceiving person. All I care about is not to hurt anyone... I am sure that someone will betray me. Because it doesn't matter at this point in life that who is coming and who is going.

3am Thoughts

Inn bematlab se khayalo ka khayaal rakhta hu..
Mai tere vapas na aane ka,
Har agli shaam hisaab rakhta hu..

Aries here ? 

I gonna say something, I don't one in mind and it's for future wifey. Let's call her TREE. 

HEY tree, idk where you are, what you do and what you like. I not gonna promise things because I gonna do.. What am gonna say. 

Say you are angry from work, am gonna bring you some ice cream and some chicken something and am gonna massage you feet and listen about your day. 

Say if you are sad, am gonna take you to movie( some marvel movie) or we gonna play some sports ( am gonna win). Buy you some chips.. Idk. 

Say if your happy. Now you need to cook something for me. I am gonna enjoy the day🥱. 

Idk, if I marry someone. I can't stay without talking to them. I can't stay without irritating them. I can't stay calm besides, the people I love. 

Idk, what am talking... IGNORE ME GUYS... 




Confusion

i’m having a hard time with PCOS. i have this hirsutism problem ( excessive hair growth) and it makes me so uncomfortable. my skin gets dry so often…sometimes i am left feeling ugly. this is also making me hold back in relationships. you know, would a person actually like me with these flaws? idk. very often i look at myself in the mirror and it is okay from a distance. as soon as i have a closer look i see excessive hair on my freakin’ face and chest and just literally everywhere. i get into these thoughts UK…when my partner will get too close to me, he will see all these flaws. i feel like an imposter whenever he calls me beautiful. i have no clue how to react to compliments because i simply don’t feel like they’re genuine. sometimes, my skin even rejects the make up i put on and i end up looking like a piece of shit. the other day i cried out so bitterly because i felt so ugly the whole day. is it body dysmorphism? i can’t simply stop thinking about how all this facial hair looks whenever i am out. mostly these things make me feel unfeminine. the whole body needs so much waxing and shit that i just start feeling terrible about myself.

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