TRIGGER WARNING.
Dear A, I canāt believe Iām putting my story about you in this category. Itās going to be a year day after. A year since I got the call at 4 am. Since I shouted at H that he was lying to me. Despite almost two years of your coma, I somehow had faith youāll wake up. I got to know at 4 in the morning, but I remember not crying till late at night. When I actually saw your body being put in that glass casket. I remember my parents telling me that youāre in a better place. I remember swearing at everyone that said that, in my head. I decided to go for my 8 am lecture that day, thought itāll keep me busy till the rest of my friends woke up and found out. I smoked 6 cigarettes outside college that morning, all before the first lecture. I didnāt say a word as I walked to class, but I remember almost passing out on the very last step before I could enter. I canāt remember what I ate for breakfast this morning, but I remember that day as if its been etched into my mind forever. I remember waiting for T to wake up, dreading having to tell him or his parents. Sitting at Aās house for 3 hours, waiting for everyone to reach Delhi, get together. I remember the first thing I said when I saw S was āI donāt have any clothes for a funeral.ā We laughed so much, people around us thought weāre crazy. The drive to your house was hell that day. You know how many memories we have in your house. The last time I was there before the accident in 2016, you made me have 8 shots to show your mother I have a great capacity. The next few times I was there, you couldnāt talk but at least you were there. How were we supposed to walk into your house now? Who were we supposed to call out for? All those childhood pictures we made so much fun of you for, were now all I wanted to look at for hours. I remember running out of your house that night, unable to sit through everyone talking about how crazy this is. As always, everyone sat inside, while all your friends sat on the road chain smoking. Weāve always been this way, havenāt we? The misfits. As bad as this day was, nothing compared to your final prayer meet 4 days later. I still shout at you in my head when I think about it. How dare you leave us all like this? Weāre just kids. How can we lose our own friend so soon? T kept saying āIām going to join him. Heās alone wherever he is. He needs me to help him roll a joint.ā I didnāt know whether to laugh or cry, so I cried. A lot that day. And a little bit everyday for a few months after. But now Iām better A. For you. Iām trying to look out for everyone for you too. Getting a little extra drunk at every party, for you haha. Anyway. I donāt usually talk about you. But here, I know its out in the universe, yet nobody can see me as weak. Thatās a messed up thought, but I canāt help it.
Miss you everyday. A little extra this week.
Love you forever
Stay strong love. So proud of you for being able to get through this. You are amazing. I am sure your friend is so so so proud of the person you are.
Iām so sorry for your loss :( cheer uppp
im really sorry for your loss, but itās good to see you grab the courage to talk about it. youāve come out stronger from this, and im sure your friend is extremely proud of you right now. take care <3