Today is was alot of miss my dad. Papa was left me 9years ago😢 so I wrote something for unko yaad krte krte 

PAPA MUJHY AAJ B US HOLI WALE DIN KI VO MAAR YAAD.. BAD MAI GOAD MAI LEKR KIA PYAR .... PAPA MUJHY PHIR SEY USI DIN KA INTZAR HAI😢

Yes my friend u know what my eyes was not one drop of tears  but God knows my heart was weeping 

Lonely

My mama's long term girlfriend (50age) burnt herself and Her parents along with her paralysed sister (45 age) alive. My mama and she have been dating eachother for 25 years. Her parents didn't allow her to marry him as they wanted her to take care of her sister. I feel so bad that this happend. I feel traumatized. Please help me forget it. 

Anxiety

My mother passed away last year
And I still cry in silence 

Depression

Two voices you couldn't hear,
Two faces you couldn't see.
Two hands that couldn't meet,
And their hearts that silently screamed.
One was a cloud filled with rain,
The other was a Raging sea.


Love

I can't stop thinking about my mother i lost few months ago.  I feel like i can't breathe. I miss her so much. What can i do.

Family

 Back in Jan. 1991, my mother who had breast cancer that ended up being a brain tumor. My father a me took care of my mother at home for about 9 or so months. She then went into the hospital. I slept in her room for a month or so. That whole time I was totally isolated. No visitors or phone calls for a year. Then in march of 1992, my youngest brother committed suicide. The minute I was told, I immediately went into a state of deep depression. I felt like dying all the time so I started smoking crack. It was the thing that took my mind off of dying. During that time I found out that my daughter wasn't mind. Then my older brother in California died.  One of my two best friends came over and spent the night. We had pizza and beer. He calls me a day later and says his arm went numb and that he was in the hospital. He called a few times saying don't bother coming to the hospital because he'll be home the next day. A day after that his wife called me and told me Jeff had died. This made me way more  depressed. Later that year I found out that my other best friend had been murdered. On top of this, I used to watch a particular female newscaster. She reminded of a friend's cousin. I didn't see her for awhile. Then it was announced that she had cancer and would be back after her treatment. Next thing I know they are announcing that she died. I was depressed but I thought that I was still grieving. This went on for sixteen years. I finally got some help at the VA hospital but my life had changed for good. Every one who I had loved was dead and everyone who loved me was dead. I went from being a extrovert to being an introvert. I was afraid that if I cared about you, you would die. I had a few so called fair weather friends during that time but it wasn't the same. Forward to 2019. The pandemic hit. My father died in 2010. He was living in assisted living. They found him dead in his apartment. I  live alone and was scared that if I got the shots I would go home a die alone. I just got my shots two or three weeks ago. I have been literally alone with no one to talk to for two years and I have chronic insomnia from working at Amazon. I'm not looking for sympathy. I just wanted to get this off my chest. I have been holding all of this in since 1991.

Mental Health

I lost my dad five years ago, I'm still grieving and trying to deal with the loss. I'm not allowed to express what I feel at home, if I ever cry thinking about dad I get scolded and I get called horrible names. I'm drowning with this toxic environment around me I'm tired of faking that nothing is wrong. This is the only way I am able to express what I feel. 

My Nana, passed July 8th 2021. Her funeral was today. I would like to share her story. 

Hi I’m your average 13 year old teenager. But this isn’t about me, this is about my beloved Nana. 

Patti, Aka my Nana passed at age 66 or 65,(i can’t remember right now.) But I’ve known her all my life, she was my go to person to talk to. She made us laugh, cry, happy. She was an outgoing person. I remember her ‘blue house’ and it was her house that I lived in for most of childhood until we moved kn with aunt my aunt. My aunt was 15 when I was born btw.) and Kirk was my grandmas old ex but he’s always been special to us and he’s kind VERY KIND. 
Nana always would favorite me and my sister. She always talked to us with a smile.  I made her coffee every morning this year. She bought us our first pet, a dog named Bentley, and then our other pets the guinea pigs. (Until they died recently she got me a new one in August, which is still living) she left so many presents behind.

Let me tell you, she ABSOLUTELY HATED traffic. (I will come back to this later.) but the weird thing is for 3 or 4 straight years she was in the hospital on the 4th of July. Which she was this year too. She felt some chest pain on the day before and had planned to take us with her to a relative 4th of July party but we had plans. I texted her “ Love you goodnight, nana. 🦄 🌈 ❤️“ but no response. The next day me and my Papi and my siblings went swimming at the public pool. As soon as we got home I was watching Bleach when my mom told me and my sister we needed to have a talk. At that moment I knew something had happened to her. And I was right, my aunt had took her to the hospital and she had a heart attack, the doctors said she might not make it. We saw her the next day. It was a saddening sight. “You still need to take us prom dressing Nana one day, and come to my Volleyball games! I’ll win for you!” I said multiple times when I was holding her hand. I started crying. But the good thing was she had reflex’s in her feet so that was a sign she might get better. We went home after the doctors had said she might be able to have surgery to get rid of her blood clot. The X-ray said she looked the same so it seemed fine until the next day when her retnas popped and she got worse and lost all feeling. They decided to take her off life support. And I was PISSED (exuse my language) I wanted to kick something and scream. She was everything to me. And still is.

Today I went to her funeral, she had lipstick, her hair was pulled back. She was smiling too. She had her favorite blue shirt. And looked beautiful, I didn’t stare to long because I went to my other (step dad but I think of all my step dads as my actual fathers/ no Papi and My dad are not dating or married my moms ex was my dad and she’s dating papi now) i couldn’t stop crying  after I saw her and they comforted me. She had a light blue coffin and blue flowers. When the music started I couldn’t help but cry again. 

We headed to where she was getting buried and I got a flower. I will pray to her each night. But while we were going there everyone pulled over and my mom said: “Look girls Nana hated traffic and here she is going ahead of the traffic because everybody pulled over for her.” I lost it again. We went back to her house and I got all my items I got from her (stuffed animals and toys and jewelry.) and I can’t say goodbye. I haven’t even told you how good she is. I’m just talking about her death.



My Nana might not be blood related to me but she’s my nana. And I (Sorry) FUCKING LOVE HER TO DEATH. She didn’t deserve to die. But I looked up at the clouds and I saw that the clouds looked like people reuniting. I hope your doing good up there Nana 😭❤️ i love you so much. I miss you so bad, I wanted to say more to you. I wish you would walk through the door. Just to give me a hug one last time. Because:


🎵 I hope your dancing in the sky 🎵 

I hope you remember to look over me, because I’m scared to be alone…. I love you. And next year sit by me and watch the fire works.


-Your Grandaughter who loves you so damn much.

If you have wings where will you fly to ?

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts