Today I met who used to be my best friend for 10 years for the first time in a while. About 4 years ago we drifted apart for certain reasons, throughout these years i never stopped feeling like she was my best friend, whenever something would happen to me, good or bad, I’d already be thinking in my head about how i was gonna tell her until reality would hit and i’d be like "oh, right, we are not friends anymore ". I never got used to it and I was never able to let go. A few months ago I decided to send her a long text apologizing for disappearing and never explaining why, bc the reason we drifted apart was mostly my fault and I didn’t know if she was still mad at me for that and I also wanted to let her know that I was not mad at her and if she wanted to everything could be alright between us. Well, we talked she said she’d love to be friends again and today we decided to meet up. I don’t know what i was expecting tbh, idk why I thought we’d still be like we used to, i mean, we hadn’t talked in 4 years, we were 14 back then and now we are 18 there’s so much we’d need to catch up on + we have changed a lot and gone through a lot separately, we don’t know each other perfectly like we used to back then. I don’t know about her but im a diffrent person now, even people that have known me all along have noticed I’ve changed a lot. From the moment she came and hugged me until we left i noticed we were not close anymore, almost just strangers. I’m not the way she used to know me, I’m much more quiet and serious and depressed lol, I just give off a very different energy. I’m not that loud chaotic extroverted girl that would never shut up, that was always smiling making weird faces and acting stupid just to be funny. She must have been taken back by that. She was also very awkward and hesitant, the way she treated me was very different, too formal, she was trying to be nice. We had too many awkward silences and I did not have a good day being around her, I couldn’t accept that we’ll never be how we used to and if we want to be that close then we have to become like that again, we have to start it all over again and get to know each other. She doesn’t feel like someone i trust and idk even know if i did well trying to fix things after so long, it feels too forced now.