Today I feel down. Let me explain a bit of my history, 2 years ago I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer Hodgkin’s lymphoma. After a year of non-stop treatments, in and outs of hospitals, the Dr finally declared me in remission (cancer is stable).
However, one of the main side effects of the chemo, Dr say the chances for me to have children is slim to non-existence.
Today while I was in traffic, I saw a mother and daughter walking on the side of the rode. The daughter is maybe around 5 years old and was wearing a cute pink handbag and eating ice cream. Both parent and child were holding hand and walking together and smiling to each other. Then it just hit me that I not able to hold my children hands like that due to me being sterile. It breaks my heart as I always fantasize to have children of my own.
I thought about adopting but I’m afraid that due to the severity of my condition, I might relapse and not live a long life and the adopted kid would just return to the system. Both of my parents are both retired and would not have the energy to take care a small child. My fiancé is not interested in having children. If we decided to adopted and if I’m gone, I do not want to burden her with a child that she doesn’t want. Also in my country, single men are not allowed to adopt for safety reason which I totally agree.
It kills me in the inside as I have so much of love to give and I would definitely spoil my kids to the max.
Thanks for reading, just need to share.