Trigger Warning
^To some, normal to most
I’m not going to use big words. Just keeping it plain and simple to tell my story out loud, because i’ve only told bits and pieces to people around me.
In the end of November 2018, I started hanging out with a boy who happened to be the most popular, good looking senior in my school. According to me, he was quite overrated but of course, somewhere I did have the hots for him.
We hung out almost everyday and in very less time we had grown pretty close. He was in a happy relationship with an angelic girl and i had a complicated long distance going on, so i knew my limits and stuck to them.
On 25th December 2018, Christmas of course, him and I were sitting in a cafe with two other friends. The boredom really got to us and so we decided to play the generic Truth or Dare, which went wrong, really wrong. Well, not to go into the specifics, but he cheated on his girlfriend with me. It really didn’t mean anything, until started hooking up regularly. If you ask me why we both did that, the straight answer is that his girlfriend didn’t give him action and I was really frustrated dealing with long distance. I know it was wrong, we both did. The guilt started to crush the both of us, more for me because I started to develop feelings for him. So, eventually I learned that it was two sided and we both broke up with our other halves. The relationship was going pretty smoothly, until slowly it started to fade away and I really couldn’t tell why. We started fighting for the littlest of things and a lot of insecurities came creeping in. It was so evident that he had stopped caring about me and did not like me anymore. But I did not give up. I tried to make it work until one day, it just crashed and we broke up. We decided to stay friends, and you know that NEVER works out. Things got awkward even though I was trying to make amends. I knew he was hooking up with other girls still illusioned by that and didn’t see the truth. The truth being, he was still in love with his ex girlfriend. It only got confirmed when his best friend straight up told me so. But then, why did he cheat on her? why did he date me? was i just a very accessible hook up? did he have to fake the feelings just for me to stick around? why did he not break up with me when he realised he still loved her? I really want these questions to be answered but there’s no way they could be. I’ve cut him and my other friends off but I still get news about him. He’s happy now with his ex girlfriend while I have to face the hardships of moving on. Soon enough, I know I’ll get there, and the hurt he caused won’t matter anymore.
go up to him and confront. he cannot use you like that
I relate to you so much girl. It’s so so tough to move on from someone you still love. And the other person makes it look so easy. It’s like it never bothered them at all, that it was all fake, that you meant nothing to them. The sooner you realise that he is not worth, the better it will be for you and your mental peace. I am still actively trying to get over him, it’s been one year. There are days when I am like “Oh i am so over him, I don’t need him etc” and the next day i’m all like “shit, i miss him so much” IT TAKES A LOT OF STRENGTH AND COURAGE and I hope you get that xx
You can confront him and ask these questions to him. I know this not easy but there is nothing to lose, you guys are anyways not on talking terms and this might give you closure.
Just an advice. I’m really sorry if I have hurted your feelings.
