Tired of crying and complaining about my lack of success in the future

Good things take time and fantastic one even more

Crying helps a lot. But at the same time you should make sure that you dont cry for future rn. Everything will fall into its places

Hey you need to be worried about your future. Your present defines your future. Work hard right now and everything will fall in its place . And its alright to cry . Crying help the stress a lot.

Mental Health

I'm not ok. I acknowledge that but, I don't want people to know. my parents say its just a phase. this feels different. i'm not sure its a phase.

Mujhe apni girlfriend se breakup krna hai.
Use lagta hi jisse pyaar hota hai usi se shadi hoti hai😭😭😭

Lekin main iss atoot bandhan me nhi padna chahta.

3am Thoughts

well today my story is not as exciting as usual but here it goes when I was younger I was bullied by a couple of younger and older kids  he called me ugly, disgusting , drools  a lot   and 
 the other kid told me to shut the fuck up. I always wondered why they were so mean too me then I realized maybe it's because I always listened to the teacher and did what I was told. never fooled around according to another kid I was a goody too shoes so that's why they  bullied me but I could be wrong.  my brother is like that bully he is disrespectful to others doesn't have any boundaries and hits my mom. last time he hit her in the chest , punched my dad in the face and threatened to murder my mom. I almost had an anxiety attack my chest was hurting and I was crying and wanted to go back to the group home. I try to help him to make sure he is okay tell him to call me am so over protective of him but not anymore he did this to himself he causes all this trouble  and whatever happens happens. I feel like am  a bad role model I don't want him to be like other people take the wrong path I don't like him but am scared for him.

Anxiety

Love yourself ✨💜

Affirmations

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5 or 6 times, just to be sure.

I’ve been a toxic girlfriend. I’ve lied, manipulated, played mind games with him but. I’m just a really shitty person. He left me for a few months n now he’s back n trying to fix me again. Nobody would try to fix a damaged person but he did n he’s such a gem of a human. He always pointed out my flaws n begged me to correct them but I was in denial. Now I really feel like a piece of shit. I’ve been toxic to my family, friends n boyfriend. I’m consciously trying to change now. I don’t know if My mind is convincing me into believing I’m a narcissist psychopath or if I genuinely am one. I’m so lost but at the same time I am hopeful I will change! I wanna be a better person! I wanna be more loving n open! I’ve never considered another persons emotions but now I wanna prioritise others over me! 

Relationships

This is about my relationship. Its my first relationship ever. Earlier, I was in a one sided love with a boy for almost 4 years. And then I decided to move on. Since then I never felt like being in a relationship yet. I thought I would get into one after 3-4 years. But recently I changed my college and here I became friends with a guy who I didn't know had a crush on me. We became good friends in a month and after that he proposed me to be in a relationship. I didn't think I was ready but he is a really good person and I did not want to regret later because I also liked him. He is a good person and he is a perfect boyfriend to be honest. (Though at times he behaves in an immature way and gets lots of mood swings which gives me anxiety at times). But my overthinking is causing problems for me. I am supposed to be happy that I am in a healthy relationship but I keep feeling sad because I cant stop thinking about negative stuff. Thoughts like 'Whether I made the right decision' , 'Whether he will not hurt me ever' , 'Is this going to last? If yes, will I able to be with this person forever?' , ' Am I rushing things?' , 'Do I really love him?'. These thoughts do not exit my mind and I know I love him but my mind is always running so my heart stops feeling most times. It feels like a void. Also, another thing which bothers me is that maybe we kind of rushed it. For example, he asked me out on a day and we were officially together in a week after that. And we kissed 2 weeks after that. And I overthink so much that I know I liked those kisses (they were my first time ever) but I doubt sometimes whether or not I genuinely wanted to do it. He loves me a lot I can see that but the only problem is that my mind every moment keeps thinking that something or the other is wrong. It would be great if somebody could share their thoughts with me on this matter! Tysm in advance. <3

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts