Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

Please add your questions in the comments and she will answer here 🤗🧡

Sorry, I didn’t get you? I’m a (female)

Please go to a medical doctor for a proper check-up, diagnosis, and treatment. If itching is present, thick white discharge may indicate a yeast infection. This is common and has nothing to do with being sexually active.

Is there any home remedies for it?

Please do not count on home remedies. They do not go away by themselves.

There is nothing bad about masturbation or masturbating a lot. There is no limit to pleasure - we stop ourselves because of all that fear around addiction and “overdoing”. The only time you should stop is when there is pain involved. More sex ed content/ videos around masturbation is here https://www.youtube.com/c/MarthaTaraLee/search?query=masturbation

You might be asexual

I was in love, but never have done it

It depends on whether this has been long-time, situational, or temporary. As we go through different phases of our lives e.g. illness, death in the family, job crisis etc, we might have time when we have low or no sex drive. If your “don’t like the idea of sex” is related to your attitude around sex and sexuality, then you can take steps to develop a better relationship with sex and sexuality such as through sex-positive and educational content around it. I have 800+ free videos on YouTube is a start https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCojF8JauXT3Xvd2bWgS3QVQ

1) Fibroadenoma is a growth in breast which comes from hormonal imbalance. usually it is not affected by sex.
2) Low sex drive simply means that it is lower than your partner. This is common and one can take steps to navigate this. Rather than worry about a problem that doesn’t exist, I suggest just focus on having a positive sex attitude for a start.
3) There is nothing unhealthy with being sexual in whatever way you want by yourself or with a partner. Yes fingers can hurt in the vagina (also known as digital penetration) for virgins and non-virgins. Being aroused, slow, and progressive helps. Our vagina is capable to have vaginal births but it is common for our vagina to feel sore/ sensitive when we are new to these touch/ stimulation/ sensations.
4) The idea of “been there, done that” can come in. The point is to take ownership of how you’re feeling and do things you need to make sex news, fresh, exciting, as opposed of being bitter and jaded. This applies to life as well - not just sex.

Disagree about putting it all on being turned on - you’re just citing popular literature. The vagina and body feels different on different days including before and during ovulation and period. Putting it down to the vagina is meant for baby/ penis doesn’t erase the fact that there is actual sensitivity in the vagina because it is full of nerve endings.

There is nothing bad about masturbation or masturbating a lot. There is no limit to pleasure - we stop ourselves because of all that fear around addiction and “overdoing”. The only time you should stop is when there is pain involved. More sex ed content/ videos around masturbation is here https://www.youtube.com/c/MarthaTaraLee/search?query=masturbation

Can stimulate in many ways but the common ways are: side-to-side; up and down; round and round as per this sex ed video I did https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q19OoYZetMs&t=130s

Can use erotic talk; webcam sex; and remote sex through the use of sex toys e.g. Lovense sexual toys are bluetooth AND internet compatible - your partner can log in and control the toy.

Our clitoris gives us pleasure because it is full of nerve endings. Can watch this sex ed video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q19OoYZetMs&t=130s but our whole body is a sexual organ capable of pleasure. You can explore your body in different ways in combination with clit e.g. breasts, nipples, back of neck, your thighs etc. Yes it is ok to feel horny/ urge - it is part of being alive and a healthy adult.

Thank you for sharing. It is important to do the inner work to heal yourself of the past and take steps to reclaim your sexuality, including being sexual by yourself for a start.

There are many accounts by survivors of sexual abuse on how they healed themselves. I suggested these episodes from my Eros Evolution podcast
Healing from Child Sex Abuse
http://omtimes.com/iom/2017/08/healing-child-sexual-abuse-brooke-woon-bpsych-pgcouns-pgpsych/
http://omtimes.com/iom/2016/06/gods-callgirl-healing-abuse/

Post on overcoming sexual anxiety https://www.eroscoaching.com/2018/07/book-extract-overcoming-sexual-anxiety/

It is useful to seek a therapist you are comfortable with in the city you’re in. Our work is confidential and rapport is important for you to open up to this person. So do have an initial consultation and see if you feel comfortable to continue to work with them.

Thanks a lot for your advice.

Welcome. I wish you all the best. Slow and steady steps towards healing and sexual reclamation.

The way we feel, and the way our vagina feels can change day-by-day depending on what is happening - stress, lubricated, not had sexual intimacy, period coming for a while.

Don’t over-analyse. Go slow with your partner when you haven’t had sex for a while. Incorporate sexual lubricant (do look out for organic ones). And stop when in pain. More foreplay and fingering before penile penetration can help.

You do not need to apply anything on his penis to give oral sex, but you can if you like. I caution about putting coconut oil into your vagina (transfer from his penis to your vagina during penetration oil) as it has anti bacterial properties and can mess up the delicate PH balance IN the vagina (external is fine). Some people choose flavored lubricants (I suggest also look at and find out more about how safe the ingredients are, as again, it might end up in your vagina).

You can get my Festive Fellatio recording here on oral sex techniques https://www.eroscoaching.com/2021/12/bedroom-confidence/

If you’re asking about anal play/ sex, there is one article:
https://www.eroscoaching.com/2021/03/anal-sex-the-necessary-hygiene-and-safety/
+ video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Il8ydvkD_9g

Start by being positive about your own sex and sexuality. You cannot make others be something or somebody when they are not ready. We lack healthy role models in society, and we can each start to make a difference by being healthy and sex-positive ourselves. Rather than push messages of positive sexuality and sexual empowerment onto others, it is important that we also use the “pull” method of first being “it”.

Many people put out sex positive content and share their voices and stories through social media - Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, Blog etc. Rather than just be another wannabe who doesn’t have all the facts, it is important to take your time to be authentically you and come from that space. Take sexual health education courses in your city if it is available, or online. There are lots of certification programs if you just look.

There is nothing bad about masturbation or masturbating a lot. There is no limit to pleasure - we stop ourselves because of all that fear around addiction and “overdoing”. The only time you should stop is when there is pain involved. More sex ed content/ videos around masturbation is here https://www.youtube.com/c/MarthaTaraLee/search?query=masturbation

Watching porn during masturbation is a common sexual behaviour. How you watch to express your sexuality is between you and you. There is nothing wrong with it. However watching porn during masturbation ALL the time (I emphasize all the time) doesn’t necessarily teach you to be mindful, creative or confident when having sex with a partner. Hence this is where clients seek my sexuality counseling/ coaching sessions to be better and more confident lovers (I emphasize there is no touch or nudity in my work - I am not a sex worker). Can watch these videos on my thoughts on porn https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=porn+martha+eros+coaching

Yes you can. Ask “When was the last time you had a full STI test?” Depending on their answer, you can say, “I will feel more comfortable if both of us get tested before we start being sexual.” It has nothing to do with trust/ not trust. It has everything to do how much you love and take care of yourself.

Thank you for that help. I fear that I will just get a no or a bad reaction.

You need to love yourself more than the fear of losing this person. You’re the one who needs to live with your decisions and the consequences. Anybody who doesn’t care about your thoughts, feelings, and fear doesn’t deserve you.

There is a term called “Sexual Awakening”. Just because not yet doesn’t mean never. I know of people who doesn’t feel sexual until they started to try with a partner. You don’t have to wait until you have a partner. Just because you don’t feel like it doesn’t mean you can’t explore your own body and sexuality - and see if you like it (like putting toe into water first). There is no need to overthink things as well.

I dont know, but I find it gross idk why. I know its normal and everybody does it but I really cant

This is a medical issue and requires medical attention. I am definitely not the right person to talk about this as I am not a medical doctor.

For all the questions around normal, we need to give ourselves permission to be who we are without apologies. If you wait to wait until you find the one right person for you and take things at your own pace, there is nothing wrong with it. You have to live with yourself and your decisions and so the worst thing you can do is do what doesn’t feel good for you.

There is nothing bad about masturbation or masturbating a lot. There is no limit to pleasure - we stop ourselves because of all that fear around addiction and “overdoing”. The only time you should stop is when there is pain involved. More sex ed content/ videos around masturbation is here https://www.youtube.com/c/MarthaTaraLee/search?query=masturbation

Not that I have to recommend. I suggest self acceptance and self love around our genitals. It is natural and normal for it to be a bit darker in colour.

You don’t have to if you don’t want to. But if you want to, you can first let your partner know it is difficult for you and to establish certain code words, or visual cues e.g. pat them 3 times… and as you get more comfortable with initiating explore different ways e.g. express you like sex verbally, “Would you like to have sex?”.