This period of my life just made me realise that I am not meant to be happy, I just feel like a machine, doing all the orders, even if I would rize my voice no one can hear me, everybody knows what I want, and pretends not to, they already created my path, towards the futur, they have never been asked to do so, but since they put the plan, no body can change it.
They lie, that is all they do, they are giving me a false hope, telling me I can do this and that, but actually all I can do is following rules, that is how my life was being created. Selfishness and people’s opinion are the things which controll me, it is not even me, at some point I just realised this fact. I am not living my life, I am not the only owner of it, my life is not valuable.
They are trying to convince me with some bullshit saying that I am the responsible of my life, in fact they are just bluffing, they are already forcing me to do something I don’t wanna do. I hate living like this, I hate my life, I hate my existance, I hate myself and everything surrounding me… I wanna kill myself. Make an end for this whole shit.
Why can’t I do the things I wanna do ? Why can’t I be happy ? Why should I even live if I am not doing the things that I don’t wanna do ?
‘People would say he’s daughter is a doctor’ ‘they would say his children went to study in France’ ’ they would say he is a successful man after having those children’
I said for like a million time that I don’t care what people would say, I don’t wanna go to France I have my own dreams, can’t you just let me do what I want ? Can’t you just give me a chance to prove you who I am ? All I want is one chance, first and final, to do what I wanted to do, to decide my own future, to dig my own way. I am sick of you being my programmer, I really can’t stand it anymore.
Hi there I know it is difficult situation but ending your life isn’t the solution my love. Trust me I have gone through this feelings and I can understand your pain. Give yourself a break if possible try to communicate your feelings with these people tell them how miserable you are feeling right now and share your dreams with them tell them what are your goals in life, what are your desires and ambitions and tell them how happy you would feel doing all that and I am sure they will understand and if they don’t just try to stay alone in another city be Independent work for yourself and follow your dreams and passion. More power to you my love. I know you are very strong and you will soon be happy. Everything will be okay just be patient and try to meditate, take deep breaths and relax yourself my love.
