This morning I had a really bad nightmare and couldn’t sleep so I started to watch Netflix on my phone, and later went to the living room and watch tv, so far my morning was shitty. Later around 11 am was my lunchtime and I was doing hw instead since I am behind in classwork, my mom was in the kitchen, and my sister came into the living room and I asked her for help on some math homework that I was stuck on and she technically exploded on me and saying why I wasn’t paying attention and she just gave me one of those glares that I hate so much. My mom notice and she was telling my sister why she was looking at me like that and they started arguing in front of me, since my mom was winning the argument (Mexican moms are best at arguing 😌) my sister started to bring up my grades saying stuff about me that hurt, how I always didn’t understand a thing and that I should be doing better and that I had missing assignments (like 2 from physics, and so many daily drawing from my elective class), and when she was my age she was taking harder classes, that she could finish a drawing in only one day but at the end, she was just saying hurtful things that made me cry. They couldn’t see but I pretended to do hw but I was crying silently. It’s not my sister’s first time snitching on me about my grades and I’ve told her before that I didn’t like what she was doing and she always says that she won’t tell and that she will help me and I always end up trusting her again. I had a mental breakdown when my mom and sister went back to their room, It was very hard to concentrate on hw because when I get a mental breakdown my mind starts to run off…I couldn’t stop crying but I still managed to hold in my tears since I am used to doing that, I also slapped myself in the face because I was very stressed out about the arguing, I hate it when they do because I can’t stand loud voices. I pulled on my hair and slapped myself again, I don’t know why I do that, I calmed down a bit but I was still very anxious/stressed so I had to cut again. I still have to ask my sister to help me since I am not the smartest person, I just have to pretend like her words didn’t hurt me and laugh at the jokes she will make about It, It’s always like that.
I just want to fucking die at this point…what a day huh.
Please please don’t hurt yourself. I don’t know how to fix this or make you feel better but please just try to look after yourself a little more. Maybe I can help you with your homework, depending on what it is?
I am not even joking your words made me cry, Thank you for kinda being there, I notice that most of the things I share you always say encouraging word, I appreciate that and I also appreciate that thought of wanting to help me with academic work, Thank you <3
You’re more than welcome. Everyone deserves someone to help them and I want to help as many people as I can they way I need help. I’m really glad that I made you feel better. I’m always here :)
I am tearing right now… I did grew up in a happier house hold. First off, for your homework. I would first try to pay attention in class, but… Here is the twist… You can record the lesson on an app called, “Voice Memos” So now you can go back, if you need help with homework! Next thing is PLEASE do not kill youself or do any self harm! Self harm or killing yourself will only add more pressure, as you would want to keep your self harm to yourself, it would add more pressure as hiding it as a secret.