This is the story about when i got catcalled for the first time.
it was after school and my friends and i were walking in a huge group from school towards tuition classes. one of my friend and me were sort of leading the group… in a way that we were walking ahead of everyone and walking pretty fast. i usually dont really jump into the conversation and become blind of the surroundings. so i was looking in front but talking to my friend who was on my side. i saw this tourist like man coming towards us. just a normal man in his late forties or fiftes wearing sunglasses and a camping vest and holding a walking stick. he was going in the opposite direction. as soon as he was right next to me, he looked into my eyes through his sunglasses with utter confidence and said “hey sexy, looking beautiful today”
something happened. its like my brain took about 4-5 seconds to process what happened . i felt so powerless. i could hear a ringing in my ears. i wanted to move forward but my legs jammed. my throat went dry. after i actually processed what had happened, i turned behind and screamed loudly “stay in your limit mister” he didnt hear it. im sure he didnt.
that full day i just couldnt stop thinking about it. why didnt i react fast ? why did my legs freeze ? why did it take my brain so much time to figure it out ? what happened to the 6 years of training i had in karate and self deffence ? why did i feel so helpless ?
ironically, the only person who could answer me all these things was the same person who ditched me in that situation.
Bani Singh @banisinghvasir
I can understand how you must be feeling. I know one feels so stupid and helpless when something like this happens. But remember, you didn’t back down, you responded, so you stood up for yourself. And whatever the method of standing up for oneself might be, be it escaping as soon as possible, or teaching the person a lesson, they are all correct. I’m sure you must be getting frustrated at yourself, but you don’t need to be so hard on yourself. Any person in your position would’ve been taken by surprise. Training is not the same as practically experiencing it. And I hope to God nobody has to experience this. But all I want you to know is you did the best, safest thing you could at the time. And that’s all there is to it. You don’t have to feel the guilt or burden for responding or not responding a certain way, it’s the person who catcalled you who should be ashamed of his actions.
Do you remember that feeling we all have after our argument with somebody about all the things we could have said in that moment that would’ve been a better response than the one we gave? This is somewhat like that, except more infuriating. You wish you could’ve taught him a better lesson, and that’s not wrong, but allow yourself to accept that you did the best thing you could’ve done in the moment. And there’s no right or wrong in that.
hey @banisinghvasir !
Your message right here is just so nice. Thanks for this i mean i kind of feel better already. Really appreciate what youve written here for me. I think i can finally get some closure.
Bani Singh @banisinghvasir
Heyy, I’m so glad it helped. Thank you so much for letting me know how you feel. Always here!! xx