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this is my first time here
i am a girl, my mind is a mess lots of things goes in this and became the reason of my overthinking, anxiety and sleepless nights. for me right now my relationship became the biggest mess in my life all started 5 years ago met a guy started dating getting attached and in no time i fell in love, i didn’t know about him but, i was maybe i am still but i scared to accept this because when i did he left me, cheated on me, broke my trust, i don’t t know the whole truth there is so much history which i don’t even know properly. we dated for more then a year i experienced so many happiness, joy, loved which i guess i never felt before but all that was like dream ended as a nightmare. we broke up 2 years ago and still i see myself standing right their struggling to get him out of mind out my life but can’t. their is not even a single day i haven’t remembered him it like i having a dream in which everything is same but what he did is unforgivable. he claims that he still love me few times we had a call he cried, begged, and what not but believing him is not possible for me. its really hard to listen to his suffering and acting like i don’t care where from inside i know that i m gone through worst still his smiling picture makes me smile and his problem bothers me too but i can’t say because he is that person now with whom i can’t se myself but can’t deny the fact that i loved him by all my heart, honesty, and soul. i didn’t dated since no specific reasons though i also thought that may be i am not ready to let anyone else enter my life because before and after him i never had anyone this close to me to whom i can just lead my head and cry for no reason. from childhood all i felt is emptiness, loneliness and only that one year removed that feeling but after that that emptiness, loneliness came back and this time with anxiety, denial, hate, no confidence from inside it all felt empty the more i try to be happy the more it cam with tears. still made a fake image of strong, independent, badass personality but in reality i m always struggling to find reasons to laugh. its like i don’t know myself anymore my fake personality id taking over but his returns his text, calls, talks just make me realize that what if still everybody is playing with my feelings again. he is playing with me. i was never able to confess this to anyone because i was scared people see me as stupid teenager spoiling time in this shit but idk whenever i m stupid crazy or anything else but all i have is this nonstop feelings thoughts and dilemmas but when it comes to do something about it i fail. denial world is better i focus good on my studies i seem doing well in every aspect on my life but reality is just for me and now when typing this all i have is non stop teary eyes, scared , feeling weak and honesty i hate this feeling because all it gave me pain its been 2 years and still no progress hopefully in coming time all this goes away i try and try.
people who are reading this thank you for your patience and i apologize for my bad English its hard for me typing and expressing myself
and do tell me that all this is worth something or just a waste of time because, i don’t know all i do is putting barriers on all this thoughts and this is my first time sharing hope you people understand.🙂

2 replies

Feelings matter more than language or words used to put it across.
See in life when we make some choice/decision
We should stick to our choice/decision.
That is why decisions shd be well thought…
One should not question hisor her own decisions
Because that will only add to confusions n make life complex n mess…
You have been in a relation with a person
That person did something which is unforgivable as per you
So you have decided not to let him in again
Now his attempts
N the soft corner in ur heart is creating all confusions…
So once for all
With a very calm mind
Considering Everything
Decide what you want to do…
Once you decide
Never rethink
Never regret
Just cling to your decision be firm with it…
You urself will have to stop thinking about him
Pls try to occupy ur mind elsewhere
in any hobby any work
Keep ur mind busy
Stay busy in whatever gives peace n happiness…

Only u can judge whether he was ur MR PERFECT OR NOT

Only you can say whether
Your life is better without him or with him

You have to think on all this…

One way to help you is

Try not to recollect your happy memories with him

Instead remember what he did that broke your heart

Remember the pain n not the pleasure or good memories if you really want to stop thinking about him…

Good luck…
Take care.
Stay strong…


Thank u soo much kusum for your for your kind words and concern


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