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This is long, and confusing. So please bear with me. Ma went in for an elective surgery. She left us home, asking her boyfriend to check on us daily. We are old enough to take care of ourselves. His son sent us a message over whatsapp that he was taking his dad to the ER. No reason why. He knew his dad was to check in on us. He messages me later, telling me his dad has been admitted. Ok, cool, no big. Feel better my dude. He’s out in a couple days.

Here’s where it gets stupid. I called the hospital to check on him. They have no one under his name admitted. Ooooook… wtf?? Call his phone. Son answers. Tells us they said he can’t have it (total bs. They encourage it here right now). He said he has it, and it will be turned off. Uuhm??? Yes, he knows his dad was our check in. We have nobody else close by. Not that we needed him (emergency, etc), but we were going to check in with him. Make sure hes ok. Tell him we are. Fast foward a few days. We do have an emergency. My little brother gets hit by a drunk driver. Leave a message with the son. He checks the messages, tells us his dad is going home and hes keeping the phone cause his dad “will” sleep all night. Again, he was never actually admitted! He showed 0 concern for my brother or any of us. This is bad enough!

talked to my older brother and we have noticed once a month for like the last year he has had “an emergency” and left for 2-3 days and ignored everybody. Including Ma. He comes back saying how he’s been sick (verified this as false), and he needs more rest (sleeps 12-15 hours a day, plus napping), and less stress (he says often dealing with us kids is stressful).

He and ma are supposed to be getting married in a year. On top if this, his kid absolutely hates us. Refuses to listen to Ma when there are visits.

I don’t know how I can deal with them actually getting married. My brother was lying in a hospital dying, and neither cared. Im not sure it was the son on w.a. I think it was really his dad. I can almost promise when ma asks, she will be told he “didn’t get the message”. (Also another favorite line of his).

Im not old enough to move out yet, but if they do actually get married, I cant live with them. I have no relatives close by, and I don’t have any friends. I have nobody to talk to about any of this.

Exactly like we all thought. He told ma he didnt get a single message that we sent him. How can somebody be like that?

3 replies

Hi, I am so sorry that you are going through this tough situation right now. I can’t even imagine how hard it must be. Honestly, it does seem like he is pretty shady and is lying a lot about his whereabouts. It wouldn’t be healthy for your Ma as well to get married to him if something wrong is going on.
If you have these suspicions, I would strongly advise you to tell your ma about them and try to talk through why you feel this way with her. Don’t get angry or anything but just try to have a heart to heart conversation with her and put forward your concerns. I am sure she will try to understand at least…I really wish you all the best!


I am definetly telling ma when she’s better. One of my little brothers is following him on twitter, and while “he” didn’t have his phone he was posting memes directed at us for “not checking” on him. I find him to be a narcissist. I honestly think if they got married it either wouldn’t last long, or it would be abusive. He often can’t be bothered to get out of bed before 12. That wouldnt work here. She has asked him to be up around 8 and make sure we got to school on time when she had to be out of town for work. He always said he would be happy to do it. He “had an emergency” and didnt get up until after 12. He is never around if we need him while she is gone. Its all super toxic, and its going to break her heart.


I am sorry that it’ll break her heart but it’ll be better for you all in the long run if she knows the reality of how he is and how toxic everything will be. You’ll have to do the tough job of telling her and maybe she snaps at you too but just try to give her some space when she does that! All the best…


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