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Profile picture for Now&Me member @ellarush13

This is just me venting.
So there is this guy, right? So he has been pursuing me for a while but its like an on-and-off thing. Its been happening for almost a year now and I just cant make my mind up about him.
I definitely know I don’t want to date him, but I cant figure out if I maybe want to mess around with him. We are friends and have known each other for almost 6 years. So like I said, he has an on-and-off interest in me, by that I mean sometimes he’s really outspoken about how he feels and sometimes he just puts it on the down-low. He dates other people but at the same time, he gives me really mixed signals and is super flirtatious with me even when he briefly dates other girls. I don’t care that he dates people but I do care WHO he dates, and I give him little clues about how I feel about the girls he dates. I get that it’s not really my place to tell him who he should or shouldn’t be dating, but as his friend, I just want the best for him.
Which is a reason why I’m not sure about messing around with him. I don’t want to mess up our friendship but at the same time, i know if I ever want something from him he would give it. I want to be a virtuous person and not be the type of girl who just messes around with guys. I also don’t want to make things awkward fro us when I eventually tell him that I want to end whatever we’re doing.
So yesterday though, he came behind me and hugged me and was holding onto me. I pick up on a guy’s intentions pretty easily so I knew what he was doing when he threw his arms over my shoulder and moved his arms lower so they covered my breasts. Then he tightened the high so his arms were pressing into my breasts.
I didn’t really know what I should do because I don’t want to like call him out or anything, but I want him to know I’m not some stupid girl and I know what is going on in his head. So I just went along with it. Then right before we said goodbye to each other and parted ways, he gave me a full-body hug, like the entire front side of our bodies touching. I don’t ever really full-body hug someone who I am dating so I was a bit uncomfortable.
Then after all of the flirtatious jokes and the body stuff that happened yesterday, when I saw him this morning he didn’t even say good morning and he had one of his exes (that he knows I don’t like for numerous reasons) on his arm.
Like, what’s up with that?

Profile picture for Now&Me member @st1199
1 reply
Profile picture for Now&Me member @st1199

Simran @st1199

The best possible solution to all this is- Talk. Clear things out. Speak what’s on your mind and ask what’s in his.
You don’t want to be someone whom he can flirt with and then get friend-zoned then again do the same things, right? Think about this. So, don’t let him take the advantage of you not saying things, take a step and discuss as to what actually is happening.

If I would have been in your place, firstly I wouldn’t have let it take too far and then just let it go as to whatever he wants/is doing. Secondly, having a friend is best than converting the relation romantically. There are more risks than happiness (unless you marry him). A friend stays but a boyfriend may not and you’ll leave behind a friend which will be more hurtful than a break up.


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