This is going to be a long story. Pls hv some patience while reading it n help me out to understand things better.
Is it wrong to talk to strangers when u yourself doesnโt know where you r standing with the person u like. Its abt a guy I met on insta n He first made me believe that heโs a good guy like donโt lie, like having the qualities a gentleman hasโฆ n i started liking him as a person not romantically He tested me whether Iโll b with him for a long run or not or idk his intentions behind thisโฆ I asked him abt his age n he said 36 n im 26 so I said I cannot b with a person with this much age difference cuz Iโm not independent to take this decision n he said all love philosophical things like age doesnโt matterโฆn said Iโm talking to a different person now who once said she like him ( i know it doesnโt matter but itโs not the case with everyone) but I give it a thought n said ohkโฆ Wait until I settle in my career then weโll go for it. And then he said nhi ab mujhe friends rehna h aap kabhi b palat jaogeโฆ i said my things clearly itโs your decision now whatโs wrong I have done here I donโt understand! And after all this nuisance he said heโs 30โฆ I couldnโt believe what he did n said he was just joking.
As my liking got stronger for him I still went forward. So we got romantically involved n he asked if we could meet I said yeah sureโฆ n started planning things but he asked if I could get physical I said no liking holding hands, hugs r normal but nothing more than that. He got angry over it n said I cannot come regularly to India ( lives in France currently) N if we love each other whatโs the problem in getting physicalโฆ Then said I donโt want to have any relation with u we r just friends now n i got pissed over it even after making him understand no. of times. As Iโm a person like who wonโt get physical until Iโm 200% sure of the person. I unfriended him n removed too from insta but after days he said sorry for his behavior n i was ohk atleast person is accepting his mistake. Kuch din baad Mujhe nhi pta uss din mene kya soch kr request bhejiโฆshayd yhi ki atleast we would b good friends. Toh Baat nhi krte the but one day he said something as if we still r involved romantically n I said I donโt work on a concept of friends with benefits for which he again apologised. I said donโt confuse meโฆ Rho toh ek side rho na. He said okay Iโm sorry.
After a day again we started talking n I told him if I would come to you that would b permanently not just for time pass n talks went for hrs. As he lives in France we had a huge problem of time difference so I had to talk to him at night n that day we talked on phone n it was 4 am in India n it were general talks n I told him abt my boundaries which he respected n agreed n then he started opening up to me abt his life his friends. And that day I was the happiestโฆ
But the next day we couldnโt talk I was waiting for himโฆ N said to inform me atleast n said heโs busy with some work will talk later araam se. So i went to sleepโฆ Ohk this continued the next day too n i got angry n went to sleep. Then next day we talked n he said sorry n made me believe that donโt worry Iโm not talking to othersโฆ Apko khudh se dur nhi kr rha Which i believed cuz insta last seen se pta chl jata tha heโs not active. Apki jagah me b hota toh aisa hi sochta par please understand that life is not easy in France. We had a great talk then also he told me abt how things work in France. Now i was sure that the person has feelings for me too butโฆ
Here comes the turning point abt my storyโฆ
But then I told abt him abt a unknown guy I accepted request of aur yeh tab ki baat h jab hum dono ke beech kuch tha nhi serious toh isilye mene uss unknown ki request accept kr li but he had some mutuals (N thatโs how insta works) And the guy msgd me n asked if he could do friendship with meโฆ Mene usko bola bas vhi เคคเค ussey jada nhiโฆmene usko btaya tha that Iโm stuck in a situation when I cannot call myself single or committed. He agreed ohk dost hi shiโฆAnd I told my guy abt this incident cuz I wanted to have transparency between us n gain his trust but all went in vain n he made a huge issue out of it ki request kyu accept ki kyu baat kiโฆ He said mujhe lga me hi special hu but yha toh kisi aur ko time dia ja rhaโฆ Kisi b unknown ko add krke baat krte ho toh me koi special nhi huaโฆ Jab me 2 din nhi rha toh yeh ho rhaโฆ Aage b time nhi milega mujhe toh aap kisi aur se baat krne lag jaogeโฆ I admitted my mistake n i deeply regret thisโฆ said sorry for this numerous times n asked him not to end things abruptly I want you.I had not betrayed you, had no ill intentions to hurt you. And you were not an option for me! I blocked the other person immediately n deleted his chat I gave him my id password to check if Iโm doing something wrong. But he denied doing so n said ab mujhe kuch lena dena nhi aapse apki life jo kariye hum friends hi rahenge ab issey jada kuch b nhi kabhi bโฆ He asked for a chatโฆ which I have dlted without giving the thought that it could save me i thought a 3rd person shouldnโt b matter between us. (I know Iโm the biggest fool in the entire world here)
Please tell me guys if I made a huge mistake by talking to the other guy jiske liye mere dil me aisa kuch b nhi tha ki usey as a option rkhu me. I like talking to people and itโs not like ki har kisi ke liye feelings ajayeโฆfriend aur boyfriend me boundaries kaisi honi chahiye that I also know but he didnโt believed me. I love my person very much n im regretting now ki mene sab khatam kr dia.
From the starting I was the only one confessing my feelings for him and was happy that I finally found a guy whom I could have future with!
And we had a ugly fight he started pointing out on my character. He talked to me rudely n said Iโm not worthy of respect n trust! And this whole this thing making me feel guilt that I broke a person trust jabki koi intention nhi tha mera. I told him that even after I have to say this infinite times I would still say the say thing that I had no ill intentions to hurt you or betray you and you were not an option for me.
After all thisโฆ He left me with self doubt, n endless questions abt myself! I donโt know I should I handle this! Whereโs my fault?
(sorry n thank you for sparing this much time)
Trust is important factor in any relationship but in your case I donโt think he trusts you. There should be understanding and where does he understands you?
You need to look carefully in the matter.
Plus the thing which you mentioned about him being busy for 2 days, were you doubting him? You didnโt mention it clearly.
We were in the beginning of the relation n this never happened so yes I doubted him.
Now Iโm getting that he didnโt understand me at first placeโฆRight trust is an important factor in any relationship n it was a luxury for him which he couldnโt afford.
Now I donโt want anything from him. Itโs better to move on n live life peacefully.
Thank you for giving me your time here๐ฅบ๐งก
Dante @varun24
๐ฎโ๐จ finally endedโฆ
So I think you havenโt made any mistakeโฆitโs not bad or something that bad talking to a strangerโฆtrust is important in relationshipโฆseeing your story hereโฆfeels like he is trying to control your lifeโฆanyway
You can try to talk him about all thisโฆas itโs not hugeโฆeven you shared your Iโd paswordโฆand try to keep him calm and told your storyโฆmaybe he will listenโฆif he really loves youโฆhe canโt be angry on this topic for longโฆ
I msgd him in a manner which i usually doโฆagainโฆ Told my story againโฆ Even admitted my mistake n said sorry againโฆ said that I had no ill intentions to hurt you n my feelings were genuine. kitna calm krne ki koshish ki samjhaya useyโฆ He didnโt bother to even try to understand n give it a chance n straight away went on my character that I must b doing the same things with every other guy out of habit. So I cannot stay calm here or make him calm to now make it workโฆ Love? I donโt think he even know the meaning of love. If he was in love with meโฆ He would have forgive for the mistake which is not even a mistake still admitted my fault just to make our relation work n he thinks he made all the sacrifices to make it work. I donโt wanna make it work now with him whoโs so disrespectful n say I donโt deserve respect over this trivial matter wonโt deserve my love my respect n care. Its okay to b misunderstood sometimes n now Iโm making peace with it.
Dante @varun24
Ok hereโฆyou have done your partโฆnow no need to apologise again n againโฆwait for few daysโฆsee what happensโฆwhat he doโฆif really calls back and want you againโฆsee if he is really sorry or just want you cause he is aloneโฆor if he donโt thenโฆyou should move onโฆ
Noโฆ I donโt want, donโt expect anything from him now. It was my love that making him feel special. And Iโm sure heโll come back but I wonโt let him to play again with my feelings. No NeverโฆI deserve someone who reciprocate the same efforts n Love that I made here.
Thank you so much for giving your time hereโฆ means a lot๐ฅบ๐
Remeber one thing no man would end a relationship on such a trivial matter.
He lives in France , probably he is assuming what he has seen there or maybe he had been in a relationship which ended because of some random online guy or probably his friend had a relationship which ended due to third man.
This is just one way of thinking. you can consider it as a trauma of his but at the same time you must not forget that the way you told us your story like how he was kinda forcing you for physical relationship, i didnโt like it. I am not saying it because of being a women . I am a man and i know for a women physical relationship is too difficult to decide.
And other way of thinking is that he just wanted to end the relationship as he was not getting anything (sex) from you.
So either way itโs his loss not yours.
No matter how insecure a man gets , he will never end the relationship if he really loves you.
If he had this insecurity issue his first step should have been of talking about it not making you feel guilty about just accepting a friend request.
It was just his preconceived thought that a man when sends a friend request , he has only one motive and that is of relationship ,which is certainly wrong.
Relax ! Accepting a friend request is not a crime in any sense.
You got it right! His close friend had gone through this cuz of the third person. I heard the whole story but the girl was only his friend pretending to be caring n allโฆit was the guy who loved her but not the girlโฆThe girl stated that we were friends nothing more than thatโฆ She also told his friend abt the other guy n all but in the end she left him not returning his calls or msgs BUT in my case I was the one confessing my feelings from the beginning, seeing our future, telling him to meet my family, crying over him, having hopes in himโฆ Did he not see all this?! He also admitted that he liked meโฆ We both wanted to work it out here. I told him my pov over his friends story that loyalty n honesty is the thing that keeps the relationship goingโฆ Not interested tell the other person not to waste their efforts n move on! Did he not understood this!? I told him the thing to build trust n hv transparencyโฆ Cuz I didnโt want to end up our relation like his friend I knew this fact thatโs why I told himโฆ Why would I have told him if have to cheat on him?! I cannot even think of it doing! He didnโt understand me at first place, didnโt trust me and in the end left me questioning my self worth!
And you are right he did force me in the name of trust but I was adamant of not doing itโฆn cried over it. But later he got agreed in not doing it so I believed him n went ahead in a relation. When I pointed out his mistake( i know i shouldnโt but no option left) he said mene koi galti nhi kiโฆ Mene koi force nhi kiaโฆ It was your choice. And now he talks abt trust n loyalty, respect as if he deserve this n i dont.
No matter how hard you try , his insecurity wonโt let him live at peace even if he loves you. We collect data from our past whenever same situation comes. So he must have connected the wrong dots. I said this assuming he has been traumatized
But knowing his behaviour, even if you live with him , he wonโt let you live at peace as even at work he will think about possibility of being betrayed . And eventually this felling will overwhelm him and either he will leave you or you will as you would question why he doesnโt trust me. If he doesnโt trust me why am I even with him.
Insecurity has no solution until he want to change himself . There is nothing you can do , even if you try your best , you canโt.
The reality is he didnโt even consider you worth fighting for. If he had he would have changed himself.
As i had mentioned in previous comment , no man will leave his partner for such trivial matter.
If he never really took you seriously then there is nothing to explain i guess.
Your words๐ญ Now Iโm realising how Iโm the biggest fool here being fooled by him.
Thank you for making me realise that I didnโt do anything wrong n helping me overcome my guilt over it๐ It was his insecurity that led to end!
David @davidcr7
Welcome maโam.
Live at peace.
Cherish what you have not what you have lost which in some sense , was him who lost .
Real one will let you have your freedom.
That doesnโt mean he wonโt have insecurity but he will overcome that feeling without even letting you know.
Real man will ask you โ are you happy with me ? Not just question your character because he has no control over his emotions.
Have a great life ahead.๐
Thanks for appreciation maโam but i had dealt with somewhat same situation 3 years ago and had no one to even ask for help so itโs obvious that i donโt want anyone to suffer the same way i did.
Yes i am having a good life now.๐๐๐
I too had a story abt 4 yrs back but this time I thought things would b different but hard luck. Iโm bad at judging a person character n that makes me suffer. Now Iโm not going for anything my heart couldnโt afford it breaking another time. Idk whatโs worse, being taken for granted or being played like a fool.
Neither of this is good โBeing taken for granted or being treated as fool.
And there is nothing wrong in trusting people but it should be calculative.
Falling in love with right person is beautiful but finding that is different.
So what is the solution โ build yourself a strong women.
Search for a man of morals , man who would love to talk to you about ethics , philosophy, psychology, man with certain aim, Who wants value from conversation and asks you about your point of view before deciding anything as you would as important part as he will be of your relationship.
Iโm working towards my goals n will continue to do so until I get the result but this came out as a huge lesson in between what should matter n what not.
Right! I have to b calculative before giving away my trust so easily. I need to work a lot on myself.
Ikr! Right one will come when Iโm in right good space.
Yup!
๐ค๐ค๐
Darkness Dawn @snow_fire
Bro from the starting till end it seems like heโs a playboy just need a reason to end everything which he got when u tell him about your friends. Thereโs a lot of same cases I heard where boys find girl for timepass tell them they love her and after girl fell seriously they want to get physical and then leave on some stupid reasons. Itโs a great thing you wonโt agree to him on getting physical. So donโt worry you will definitely find much better who truly is a gentleman not a con man. So just put a smile on your sweet face and live your life. Right person will come to you ๐ค๐ค
As far as I understood him he was insecure n had trust issuesโฆ It was going to b his first relationship like he said. He had this philosophy that if thereโs one person it should b them only which I also agree but thereโs life outside relationship which one person shouldnโt b controlling n he wants to do that.
But sometimes you have to take a leap of faith in order to make things work which I did n he didnโt.
Btw Thank you for your kind words๐ฅบ yeah the right one will always stay no matter how hard things get.
Bro just donโt take it heart. The world is full of these type of people they come and go you donโt have to be so open with everybody or every sweet talker. Try to take time and understand the person even if u started feeling something na wait for sometime supposedly three month atleast to under that person really into u or not. If you confirm then slowly slowly try getting open with them. Like I know a lot of boys who do the same thing just to get physical with others so it happens. You are not wrong you just met the wrong one at wrong time.
Right! Time reveals the true nature. I was ignoring the basic red flag in the name of nobodyโs perfect but what I wanted was basic!
