This is going to be a long story. Pls hv some patience while reading it n help me out to understand things better.
Is it wrong to talk to strangers when u yourself doesn’t know where you r standing with the person u like. Its abt a guy I met on insta n He first made me believe that he’s a good guy like don’t lie, like having the qualities a gentleman has… n i started liking him as a person not romantically He tested me whether I’ll b with him for a long run or not or idk his intentions behind this… I asked him abt his age n he said 36 n im 26 so I said I cannot b with a person with this much age difference cuz I’m not independent to take this decision n he said all love philosophical things like age doesn’t matter…n said I’m talking to a different person now who once said she like him ( i know it doesn’t matter but it’s not the case with everyone) but I give it a thought n said ohk… Wait until I settle in my career then we’ll go for it. And then he said nhi ab mujhe friends rehna h aap kabhi b palat jaoge… i said my things clearly it’s your decision now what’s wrong I have done here I don’t understand! And after all this nuisance he said he’s 30… I couldn’t believe what he did n said he was just joking.
As my liking got stronger for him I still went forward. So we got romantically involved n he asked if we could meet I said yeah sure… n started planning things but he asked if I could get physical I said no liking holding hands, hugs r normal but nothing more than that. He got angry over it n said I cannot come regularly to India ( lives in France currently) N if we love each other what’s the problem in getting physical… Then said I don’t want to have any relation with u we r just friends now n i got pissed over it even after making him understand no. of times. As I’m a person like who won’t get physical until I’m 200% sure of the person. I unfriended him n removed too from insta but after days he said sorry for his behavior n i was ohk atleast person is accepting his mistake. Kuch din baad Mujhe nhi pta uss din mene kya soch kr request bheji…shayd yhi ki atleast we would b good friends. Toh Baat nhi krte the but one day he said something as if we still r involved romantically n I said I don’t work on a concept of friends with benefits for which he again apologised. I said don’t confuse me… Rho toh ek side rho na. He said okay I’m sorry.
After a day again we started talking n I told him if I would come to you that would b permanently not just for time pass n talks went for hrs. As he lives in France we had a huge problem of time difference so I had to talk to him at night n that day we talked on phone n it was 4 am in India n it were general talks n I told him abt my boundaries which he respected n agreed n then he started opening up to me abt his life his friends. And that day I was the happiest…
But the next day we couldn’t talk I was waiting for him… N said to inform me atleast n said he’s busy with some work will talk later araam se. So i went to sleep… Ohk this continued the next day too n i got angry n went to sleep. Then next day we talked n he said sorry n made me believe that don’t worry I’m not talking to others… Apko khudh se dur nhi kr rha Which i believed cuz insta last seen se pta chl jata tha he’s not active. Apki jagah me b hota toh aisa hi sochta par please understand that life is not easy in France. We had a great talk then also he told me abt how things work in France. Now i was sure that the person has feelings for me too but…
Here comes the turning point abt my story…
But then I told abt him abt a unknown guy I accepted request of aur yeh tab ki baat h jab hum dono ke beech kuch tha nhi serious toh isilye mene uss unknown ki request accept kr li but he had some mutuals (N that’s how insta works) And the guy msgd me n asked if he could do friendship with me… Mene usko bola bas vhi तक ussey jada nhi…mene usko btaya tha that I’m stuck in a situation when I cannot call myself single or committed. He agreed ohk dost hi shi…And I told my guy abt this incident cuz I wanted to have transparency between us n gain his trust but all went in vain n he made a huge issue out of it ki request kyu accept ki kyu baat ki… He said mujhe lga me hi special hu but yha toh kisi aur ko time dia ja rha… Kisi b unknown ko add krke baat krte ho toh me koi special nhi hua… Jab me 2 din nhi rha toh yeh ho rha… Aage b time nhi milega mujhe toh aap kisi aur se baat krne lag jaoge… I admitted my mistake n i deeply regret this… said sorry for this numerous times n asked him not to end things abruptly I want you.I had not betrayed you, had no ill intentions to hurt you. And you were not an option for me! I blocked the other person immediately n deleted his chat I gave him my id password to check if I’m doing something wrong. But he denied doing so n said ab mujhe kuch lena dena nhi aapse apki life jo kariye hum friends hi rahenge ab issey jada kuch b nhi kabhi b… He asked for a chat… which I have dlted without giving the thought that it could save me i thought a 3rd person shouldn’t b matter between us. (I know I’m the biggest fool in the entire world here)
Please tell me guys if I made a huge mistake by talking to the other guy jiske liye mere dil me aisa kuch b nhi tha ki usey as a option rkhu me. I like talking to people and it’s not like ki har kisi ke liye feelings ajaye…friend aur boyfriend me boundaries kaisi honi chahiye that I also know but he didn’t believed me. I love my person very much n im regretting now ki mene sab khatam kr dia.
From the starting I was the only one confessing my feelings for him and was happy that I finally found a guy whom I could have future with!
And we had a ugly fight he started pointing out on my character. He talked to me rudely n said I’m not worthy of respect n trust! And this whole this thing making me feel guilt that I broke a person trust jabki koi intention nhi tha mera. I told him that even after I have to say this infinite times I would still say the say thing that I had no ill intentions to hurt you or betray you and you were not an option for me.
After all this… He left me with self doubt, n endless questions abt myself! I don’t know I should I handle this! Where’s my fault?
(sorry n thank you for sparing this much time)
Trust is important factor in any relationship but in your case I don’t think he trusts you. There should be understanding and where does he understands you?
You need to look carefully in the matter.
Plus the thing which you mentioned about him being busy for 2 days, were you doubting him? You didn’t mention it clearly.
We were in the beginning of the relation n this never happened so yes I doubted him.
Now I’m getting that he didn’t understand me at first place…Right trust is an important factor in any relationship n it was a luxury for him which he couldn’t afford.
Now I don’t want anything from him. It’s better to move on n live life peacefully.
Thank you for giving me your time here🥺🧡
Dante @varun24
😮💨 finally ended…
So I think you haven’t made any mistake…it’s not bad or something that bad talking to a stranger…trust is important in relationship…seeing your story here…feels like he is trying to control your life…anyway
You can try to talk him about all this…as it’s not huge…even you shared your I’d pasword…and try to keep him calm and told your story…maybe he will listen…if he really loves you…he can’t be angry on this topic for long…
I msgd him in a manner which i usually do…again… Told my story again… Even admitted my mistake n said sorry again… said that I had no ill intentions to hurt you n my feelings were genuine. kitna calm krne ki koshish ki samjhaya usey… He didn’t bother to even try to understand n give it a chance n straight away went on my character that I must b doing the same things with every other guy out of habit. So I cannot stay calm here or make him calm to now make it work… Love? I don’t think he even know the meaning of love. If he was in love with me… He would have forgive for the mistake which is not even a mistake still admitted my fault just to make our relation work n he thinks he made all the sacrifices to make it work. I don’t wanna make it work now with him who’s so disrespectful n say I don’t deserve respect over this trivial matter won’t deserve my love my respect n care. Its okay to b misunderstood sometimes n now I’m making peace with it.
Dante @varun24
Ok here…you have done your part…now no need to apologise again n again…wait for few days…see what happens…what he do…if really calls back and want you again…see if he is really sorry or just want you cause he is alone…or if he don’t then…you should move on…
No… I don’t want, don’t expect anything from him now. It was my love that making him feel special. And I’m sure he’ll come back but I won’t let him to play again with my feelings. No Never…I deserve someone who reciprocate the same efforts n Love that I made here.
Thank you so much for giving your time here… means a lot🥺💜
Remeber one thing no man would end a relationship on such a trivial matter.
He lives in France , probably he is assuming what he has seen there or maybe he had been in a relationship which ended because of some random online guy or probably his friend had a relationship which ended due to third man.
This is just one way of thinking. you can consider it as a trauma of his but at the same time you must not forget that the way you told us your story like how he was kinda forcing you for physical relationship, i didn’t like it. I am not saying it because of being a women . I am a man and i know for a women physical relationship is too difficult to decide.
And other way of thinking is that he just wanted to end the relationship as he was not getting anything (sex) from you.
So either way it’s his loss not yours.
No matter how insecure a man gets , he will never end the relationship if he really loves you.
If he had this insecurity issue his first step should have been of talking about it not making you feel guilty about just accepting a friend request.
It was just his preconceived thought that a man when sends a friend request , he has only one motive and that is of relationship ,which is certainly wrong.
Relax ! Accepting a friend request is not a crime in any sense.
You got it right! His close friend had gone through this cuz of the third person. I heard the whole story but the girl was only his friend pretending to be caring n all…it was the guy who loved her but not the girl…The girl stated that we were friends nothing more than that… She also told his friend abt the other guy n all but in the end she left him not returning his calls or msgs BUT in my case I was the one confessing my feelings from the beginning, seeing our future, telling him to meet my family, crying over him, having hopes in him… Did he not see all this?! He also admitted that he liked me… We both wanted to work it out here. I told him my pov over his friends story that loyalty n honesty is the thing that keeps the relationship going… Not interested tell the other person not to waste their efforts n move on! Did he not understood this!? I told him the thing to build trust n hv transparency… Cuz I didn’t want to end up our relation like his friend I knew this fact that’s why I told him… Why would I have told him if have to cheat on him?! I cannot even think of it doing! He didn’t understand me at first place, didn’t trust me and in the end left me questioning my self worth!
And you are right he did force me in the name of trust but I was adamant of not doing it…n cried over it. But later he got agreed in not doing it so I believed him n went ahead in a relation. When I pointed out his mistake( i know i shouldn’t but no option left) he said mene koi galti nhi ki… Mene koi force nhi kia… It was your choice. And now he talks abt trust n loyalty, respect as if he deserve this n i dont.
No matter how hard you try , his insecurity won’t let him live at peace even if he loves you. We collect data from our past whenever same situation comes. So he must have connected the wrong dots. I said this assuming he has been traumatized
But knowing his behaviour, even if you live with him , he won’t let you live at peace as even at work he will think about possibility of being betrayed . And eventually this felling will overwhelm him and either he will leave you or you will as you would question why he doesn’t trust me. If he doesn’t trust me why am I even with him.
Insecurity has no solution until he want to change himself . There is nothing you can do , even if you try your best , you can’t.
The reality is he didn’t even consider you worth fighting for. If he had he would have changed himself.
As i had mentioned in previous comment , no man will leave his partner for such trivial matter.
If he never really took you seriously then there is nothing to explain i guess.
Your words😭 Now I’m realising how I’m the biggest fool here being fooled by him.
Thank you for making me realise that I didn’t do anything wrong n helping me overcome my guilt over it💜 It was his insecurity that led to end!
David @davidcr7
Welcome ma’am.
Live at peace.
Cherish what you have not what you have lost which in some sense , was him who lost .
Real one will let you have your freedom.
That doesn’t mean he won’t have insecurity but he will overcome that feeling without even letting you know.
Real man will ask you → are you happy with me ? Not just question your character because he has no control over his emotions.
Have a great life ahead.😁
Thanks for appreciation ma’am but i had dealt with somewhat same situation 3 years ago and had no one to even ask for help so it’s obvious that i don’t want anyone to suffer the same way i did.
Yes i am having a good life now.😁😁😁
I too had a story abt 4 yrs back but this time I thought things would b different but hard luck. I’m bad at judging a person character n that makes me suffer. Now I’m not going for anything my heart couldn’t afford it breaking another time. Idk what’s worse, being taken for granted or being played like a fool.
Neither of this is good →Being taken for granted or being treated as fool.
And there is nothing wrong in trusting people but it should be calculative.
Falling in love with right person is beautiful but finding that is different.
So what is the solution → build yourself a strong women.
Search for a man of morals , man who would love to talk to you about ethics , philosophy, psychology, man with certain aim, Who wants value from conversation and asks you about your point of view before deciding anything as you would as important part as he will be of your relationship.
I’m working towards my goals n will continue to do so until I get the result but this came out as a huge lesson in between what should matter n what not.
Right! I have to b calculative before giving away my trust so easily. I need to work a lot on myself.
Ikr! Right one will come when I’m in right good space.
Yup!
🤜🤛😁
Darkness Dawn @snow_fire
Bro from the starting till end it seems like he’s a playboy just need a reason to end everything which he got when u tell him about your friends. There’s a lot of same cases I heard where boys find girl for timepass tell them they love her and after girl fell seriously they want to get physical and then leave on some stupid reasons. It’s a great thing you won’t agree to him on getting physical. So don’t worry you will definitely find much better who truly is a gentleman not a con man. So just put a smile on your sweet face and live your life. Right person will come to you 🖤🖤
As far as I understood him he was insecure n had trust issues… It was going to b his first relationship like he said. He had this philosophy that if there’s one person it should b them only which I also agree but there’s life outside relationship which one person shouldn’t b controlling n he wants to do that.
But sometimes you have to take a leap of faith in order to make things work which I did n he didn’t.
Btw Thank you for your kind words🥺 yeah the right one will always stay no matter how hard things get.
Bro just don’t take it heart. The world is full of these type of people they come and go you don’t have to be so open with everybody or every sweet talker. Try to take time and understand the person even if u started feeling something na wait for sometime supposedly three month atleast to under that person really into u or not. If you confirm then slowly slowly try getting open with them. Like I know a lot of boys who do the same thing just to get physical with others so it happens. You are not wrong you just met the wrong one at wrong time.
Right! Time reveals the true nature. I was ignoring the basic red flag in the name of nobody’s perfect but what I wanted was basic!
