This guy at work was a good friend of mine. We had hit it off nicely as friends but then he started obsessing over me. He had feelings for me but I was in a relationship so I had to say no. He kept saying I’m amazing and the best person he has met. Fact: I’m not. He just amplified the image he had in his mind. A year later I had broken up and I was single so he asked me out and we started dating.
I didn’t like some habits of him like basic hygiene or the way he treated waiters but I kept going calling him out to work on those things. I think I wasn’t even attracted I was a bit depressed (bruises of past relationships) so I was scared to be alone and tried to make it work.
Within a month I got drained. I spoke to him about his commitment plans and he started talking about how his family won’t agree. He dropped hints about splitting up.
This guy literally begged me to be with him and now when I said yes he doesn’t see a future with me can you believe this?
Anyway I told him how its a good idea. And that I thought we weren’t compatible. I felt guilty for saying yes as I wasn’t really into him or happy at all and that’s just unfair to both of us.
He expected me to say something funny all the time and keep him entertained. I don’t mean to be rude but he had little ideas for fun. I got tired because he used to suck up all my happiness and energy. His obsession got to the point of me blocking him. I tried my best to explain him both peacefully and sternly that we don’t belong together. He wasn’t just ready to accept. He suddenly felt he can work it out and convince his family.
Guys tell me if I am wrong. I think the only reason I rushed into a relationship with him was because I was scared to be alone. We are very opposite people and I realised that I can’t be with him. We two weren’t meant for each other. He just wouldn’t understand. It added so much stress. So I had to block him. He used to make it so dull at work that everyone would look at me if he’s upset. So I had to unblock him feeling sorry for him, he begged me to at least let him be my friend. I personally think that you shouldn’t be in touch with someone you’re trying to move on from. That’s toxic and torture. But he begged me so I stayed friends with him (Otherwise he would start crying in public and stuff and make me look like a bitch in the office) . And once I started being normal to him since he user to cry all the time. He started hitting on me again. When he flirts with me I get so disgusted I feel like punching him in the throat. He believed I will go back to him and we’d end up together. This block unblock went on for 3-4 times everytime he crossed the line. I felt sorry for him as he doesn’t even have good friends. Worrying he might indulge into self harm. We were at a party one day after work and we all were a bit drunk. He tried to force himself on me and I pushed him away. I lost all the sympathy and completely cut him off. Such a jerk. No means no.
This time I haven’t unblocked him. Luckily I have switched company so I don’t have to see him. He seemed toxic to me because he said things like “I care for you and would want you to be happy” at the same time won’t let me live my life peacefully. He said he wants to be an important part of my life just the way my best friend was and is scared that if I drift apart he won’t be holding an important position. Sounded more like “I want to control you”. I got some job offers in a different country but he didn’t let me switch manipulating me into thinking its a bad idea. I had always given him the benefit of the doubt hence it took me a while to know his true intentions. After I cut my ties with him, stress reduced a lot. I sleep peacefully. I am following my passion and doing great at my work. I don’t want to unblock this person ever. What are your thoughts?
I think you have done a very good thing for yourself. Feel proud of it and I am happy that u didn’t let him go on you or any further. You did a right thing because relationship is not about having physical demands all the time. It is a deep connection. And it has to be from both sides.
Thank you so much for kind words. You’re right it is a deep connection. I’m someone who would doubt myself more than judging someone else. And I was thinking lately if I did the right thing. Thank you for your affirmative response. Not gonna unblock him ever.
If only one person loves, the relationship is not going to work. True, you said yes because you did not want to be lonely and liked the attention, so that was a bad decision and the suffering was caused by that and deeply you know it.
Also and besides the point, looking at someone’s behavior towards others is very important to know their character. Mistreating waiters is a terrible behavior of someone who has a big ego and thinks other people are not as good as him.
Very true. One’s behaviour says it all. Good riddance.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.