Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

They do not know the exhaustion. All the insecurities, the sacrifices, the burnouts, the anxieties, the tears, the scars, the pain, none of it they know. Because even just for once, no one asked about me. Everything was all about everyone else, and not me. No one really cared, no one thought I was this sad. There really comes a point in your life where you just want to give it all up. Everything was blurry as my eyes were filled with tears no one knew of. I was just having a burnout yesterday, even comfort food did not even fix it. But as always, I handled it on my own. Always on my own. And now they call me insensitive. I had a really hard day today. Online classes take a lot of time for me to get used to it. Home is not a place where I am myself anymore, or was it ever a place I can call home? I want people to care. I need people to care. Or simply, I just need people. All the sadness drowns me. Even the silence seems so loud. I don’t feel like living anymore. There’s nothing to look forward to. I don’t even eat properly now. I just want to get sick so they would notice me hurting. Wow. I’m now an expert in silent crying. This is one great skill. Now that I think about it, maybe laptops are designed to be wet, so people can cry while using them. I commend people who are that considerate. I wish more people would be more considerate. I wish there would be someone who’ll always there for me to lend a shoulder to cry on, will wipe my tears for me. wtf this is so depressing. There’s a ton of things to think about. Will it ever stop? How can I make it stop? I’ve sacrificed so many things that I’m now tired of being pretentious. It all gets tiring after a while, you know. If those things weren’t enough, I don’t know what will. It gets really exhausting. Or is it just exhaustion? I don’t know. This is a real deal. You don’t know when they’ll come. You don’t get to prepare. You don’t get to brace yourself for the impact. I mean, can we at least get a heads up? I don’t even know how I will get help. Or how do I even help myself, coz you know, it’s a solo flight? Gosh, hard times. It’s hard to see the good in things when you lost faith in everything. You’ll have this mindset that everything you do will always have a counterpart that’ll ruin everything. So? I don’t fucking know. Beads of tears keep forming endlessly. Red nose from crying, and puffy eyes. I just need them to understand that I also have it hard. Very fucking hard. Can I have even just one person? Just one would suffice. 🌼🌼