These days feel differentā¦different from the kind of days that i want to haveā¦every passing day, i feel it coming closer to meā¦by āITā i mean MY DEATH, the end of my miserable lifeā¦the days are all about hallucinations and my nights are ruled by nightmaresā¦most of the days i have this intractable urge to harm myselfā¦to hurt myself in a way that is irremediableā¦to gash my wristsā¦and let the blood cascade downā¦that would have been comfortingā¦the sight of the blood would have reassured me the end of my life, which has been in a perpetual state of chaosā¦these days what i mostly do is cry and sleepā¦i cry so that all the turmoil inside me flows out in the form of tearsā¦but the problem is that the tears are falling shortā¦and i sleep a lot because i want to escape the reality for as long as possibleā¦because in my case reality is harsh and cruel and sleeping allows me to do thatā¦though only for a few hours but i am able to escape the truth, the shoutings in my head, the hateful gestures, the pointing fingers but the problem is that even in my sleepā¦i feel nails scratching my back, i hear abuses being hurled at me, people laughing over how foolish i have beenā¦and at times i dream about a pale body of SOMEONE on the floor of my room, with eyes open, gashed wrists, drained out of blood and deadā¦at times i see the pale body of that same SOMEONE hanging from the ceiling fan of my roomā¦and at times that SONEONE is sitting in a corner of my room and crying its heart outā¦in my nightnares i never recognize that SOMEONE but as soon as i open my eyesā¦screaming in the darkness of the nightā¦and think about itā¦
I recognize - ā THAT SOMEONE LOOKED LIKE MEā¦HELL !! IT WAS MEā¦I WAS THAT SOMEONE. ā