There are things that often harm in ways you never think of. One is friendship. Your expectations are at peak but the reality is opposite.

Relationships

Bangla bote para meye gulo ki nei ai app a? 😑

Girlfriend

So 1 of my friend introduced me to his friend who recently broke up with her boyfriend cause he was toxic as per her. We quite hit it off and felt the chemistry, we talked everyday for like 3-4 months and I helped and consoled her during her emotional fatigue from her breakup. I felt very close to her and had some feelings for her and she also felt the same. On her birthday that guy gave her a nice surprise and did some cute things and then she went back to him. I dont mind her decision it is her choice afterall, but I feel used and consumed emotionally. She stopped talking to me after she got back together with her ex and it doesn't feel very nice.

Crush

She says i'm ruining  our friendship. But i can tell it's already ruined and i 'm the one to blame. She says i'm the one who changed and she loves me the same. I know we love and care each other but how can she like me the same just like when we started our friendship? It's like there is a pit in her that i can't dwell into and i become toxic. I wanna hug her tight but i don't dare. Even our love yous seem so out of context and awkward.
I saw her videos from my private safe. My recovery password was her name that i rarely call these days. Our birthday wishes scrnshots, and video call recordes .... The way she look at my eyes with her calm constant smile, her gentle actions and reactions everything was soothing. She inspired me alot and gave light to me in my hard times.
Now i think if u really love someone and wanna hold them forever u have to learn how to fake ur emotions until you become used to that. All i know i love her so much and she loves me too.

Breakup

Korean drama fans? 

Friends

I feel lonely and not understood... 

Lonely

A while ago my mental health had deteriorated and my mind was not working at all. it was excessively foggy but i helped myself by meditating and exercising and now my mental health has improved drastically and my horrible marks due to poor mental health and less motivation have been replaced by good grades and work opportunities at 3 places. NEVER GIVE UP OR LOSE HOPE. TIME HEALS EVERYTHING

Happy

only he knows in his silence, in the dark of night when he's left to his own thoughts, if what he did or didn't do was the right choice. . only he knows

3am Thoughts

I'm tired of my lifez everything that i do is just always become a mess, i can't deal with this world anymore,, if i could just die right now i would, but i still have to keep a promise and now all i do to entertain myself is self harm, i feel proud when i see blood pouring out, i felt happy and sad at the same time.
Happy that i feel like i just achieved smth but sad bcuz i'm so petty and doing this kind of stuff for my own entertainment, but noone cares that i hurt myself so i kept on doing it again and again and again till i break down
I like hurting myself even more, because i would rather hurt myself than getting hurt by someone else again, i can't even gain my weight anymore, i look skinny like a stick i feel disgusted by what i eat and puke it all, i ask the people around me for help, they just ignore me again ans again, 
What's the purpose of living anyways? Idc if i go to hecc, i just wanna end it all here right here right now

But i'm too much of a scaredy cat to actually do it now, so i'll wait till the day comes


Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts