*The way that i react does not refect the way that i feel*
Just wish people would know this about me so they'd stop judging other based on what they think a facial expression, a tone of voice or just not saying anything means, if i don't actually tell you i feel a certain way don't fill in my silence with ur own interpretation of what you think i'm like and what you think im feeling. Im good at giving bad impressions and i hate that so i just wish people understood that we are all difrent and not everyone reacts the way you or most of the population would and that does not have to mean absoultly ANYTHING. 

I agree with you...and i understand your situation

Social Anxiety

My daughter won't stop crying and screaming in the middle of the night. I visit her grave and ask her to stop, but it doesn't help.

If anyone wants to talk about ANYTHING feel free to ping me :)

Mental Health

why there is nobody appreciate me yeah i know im ugly and stupid but i never asked to born this way if i can choose i will definetly never choose to be like this and i always trying to be nice to everyone cuz ik thats the one thing i can afford.

Depression

My dad, who I know as Matt and only Matt, is I guess a verbal abuser. I might be exaggerating though, but you can never really be sure can you? Maybe you can, I don't know. I call him Matt because I've never loved him and I never will. I've lived with him for about 7 or 8 years; since i was 5 or 6, and I've never felt happy with him. He is my adoptive father so even if my parents get a divorce, I'll most likely still have to see him but it wouldn't be as much. The problem is, if my parents did get divorced me and my mom would probably have to live with someone since my mom isn't a worker and doesn't have a lot of money.
But this is specifically about Matt. It's weird, I keep almost typing my dad but I realize I don't have to say it here. I don't have to pretend.
He always yelled at me. When and how much varied, and it kind of changed through the years. It's less now, but when it happens it hurts. Whenever my dad yelled at me, he would start with some manipulation thing to make you think you've done the worst thing possible, and then he uses it against you. Then he'd make these ridiculous comparisons like apparently if I don't listen to my mom once, I don't love her. Things like that. Then he would start connecting them to way bigger problems or things that I do, like getting the wrong fan from upstairs is like how I never listen to directions even though the directions were vague as shit. Then he'll do this thing where he insults me or looks at me like he really hates me, but says some absolute bullshit how he's not mad just disappointed. SAME GOD DAMN THING. Then he'd say he's "sorry" or he "didn't mean it." "I promise I'll yell less next time" is his favorite line. He's pretty shit at promises.
And on a daily basis Matt is just an asshole in general. He throws things at my face, he touches my face or slaps my arm and calls it a love tap. And when I say that was a slap he says "want me to show you what a real slap is?" And sometimes when he yelled at me, he'd fuck around with my arms or get in my face or push me a little. And whenever I cried he asked "why are you crying?" like he didn't fucking know.
My mom and dad get into fights about the stupidest things too. Once, they fought about how when I went to school they'd show me how to open a lock for a locker, and Matt kept saying I should practice on one and my mom said I didn't need to, and they started yelling so I left the room. After, I was going to go back to the room when Matt came out, and before I could, Matt grabbed me by my ankles and dragged me across the floor. I screamed at him to put me down but he wouldn't listen. He dragged me for at least 10 feet before he let go. Of course he thought it was fine because I was smiling the whole time. I don't know why. I was so pissed at him, but all I could do was smile. That's what I had to do.
Matt used to do these things where he would fake punch me to show how good his "reaction time" was or some shit, but once I was moving towards him as he did it and he actually punched me with full force in the stomach. I wanted to scream because of the things I had to deal with like that. I was winded for 5 minutes and there was a bruise there for a week. But you know who cares right? I mean, Matt forgot about it and you know, forgot to actually feel bad and responsible for something he did in an hour. No big deal. I hate it when my "dad" accidentally punches me in the gut, right?
When I was 6-8, Matt would suggest that there was a devil in my head telling me to do the "bad things" I did, like ask my grandmother for a toy. Because APPARENTLY that's awful and antichrist? Also because of the house that I live in and the shit I deal with, I don't believe in god. God can fuck off. And if he wanted joy and happiness and cared for the people of the world, why are there still serial killers and child rapists? Not the point of this, but just saying.
This is getting lengthy like my other post so just one more thing:
One of the most vivid memories of Matt yelling at me. I don't specifically remember what I was getting yelled at for, I think it was mistaking his car for another person's when he was picking me up from school. This is 3rd or 4th grade. He yelled at me about how his car doesn't look like anyone else's, how is this a mistake you made, etc., etc. Then he said something that I'll never forget. Something that will make me honestly hate him forever. He said that this was a mistake a child would make. And he asked "are you a child? huh, *my name* Are you a god damn child?" And I was 9 or 10. and he was asking me if I was a child. Of course, I had to say no. I was crying so hard, and I had to say "no, I'm not a child." Because if I said yes, what would happen? Would he yell at me more? The few times I went against Matt's yelling and tried to fight back, it got used against me and I felt more hopeless and helpless than I did before. So when he asked if I was a child, I said no. Because I wasn't. I was his daughter. You know, one of the smartest kids in class, almost perfect grades, did activities and extra curriculars. My parents didn't see me as their child, they saw me as a person that needed to take care of things like an adult would. I knew what the big words meant, I was smart and didn't need a lot of help. Except I did. I just never asked because I was afraid that they couldn't count on me because I was normal and actually needed help. I didn't want to disappoint my parents even though I hated them. Of course that didn't matter, Matt still yelled and my mom was still.....herself. Nothing changed. Nothing will change.

Life

**Misunderstanding** 
I think there is nothing like misunderstanding. It is just how we are able to understand that person and also seeing things in their perspective also. 
*Don't make assumptions until you know whole story. If in doubt ask the person directly*
What is your opinion on this? 😊
Have a good day🌸

Misunderstanding

It's been difficult for me to stay alone and single. It's been fucking 4 years from my past. 😶

3am Thoughts

Well i haded 4 female friend and 3 of them haded a trio . One of the three proposed me and i accepted her proposal and ngl he was one of my friends ex. The next month my friend stop talking to me (understandable) then the both girl stop talking to me(the trio ones ) and then my bestfriend told me she haded feelings for me.! Like what the heck should i do??? Leave that girl for other people or... Leave them for her???

Confusion

Can someone please tell me what is the monthly salary of a law professor and what course we should do after BA LLB(5years) if we want to become professor. What masters we should do that offers good salary

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts