Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

The hard truth is I know I am the pull-back in the relationship.
I have fallen in love with this amazing guy and it’s almost a year now and to be honest, he is the most understanding, lovely man out there for me. He has done so much on his part to make me stable, understand and feel alive that now the realisation that I am somehow a pull back is hard to handle.
I have these frequent fights now, these fights where I know I could have handled the situation is a different manner but it’s ends up bad.
Today I fought something similar, but what I couldn’t say him was that whatever it was I felt I am not that priority for him anymore.
Is it because I am so consistently and shamelessly fighting ?
My apologies, in my own ears, feel so hopeless like only if my past was simple, only if I was not diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and only if I was more sweet, more polite, more gentle, more less nonsensical we wouldn’t be fighting and I would be atleast near to being worthy of keeping this amazing guy happy. I am not.
To him, now, I am stuck in my own timeline of fear, disbelief, confusion and for me he has done so much so how much more ?! How much more like he gets tired of it and then what happens ?
How am I to handle a relationship and keep him happy, how to take care of him and to stop myself and be more confronting to my love for him …for me keeping him away from me is the best for him and that’s toxic, I might hurt him.