the day is bright and hot and slightly reminds me of hell. my brain is more question marks than periods. my brain trails off in the middle of statements in irrational unsureness. i feel all the humans around me closing in and attempt to sever myself from them. i’ve always been convinced that if i try hard enough, no one would see me. i’ve always believed that at certain times, when the light is low and i’m dressed in black and silence in the middle of a loud room, i possess the power of invisibility (or maybe i’m just delusional). the point is, my coping mechanism for social anxiety is overloading all my senses to up until my brain reaches maximum capacity and cannot remind me every second how stupid i am. so i paint, i sketch, i write, i listen to songs so loudly that my eardrums hurt. i do absolutely anything and everything to avoid thinking of the world around me. and as a last resort, if i absolutely cannot tune the world out, i try to convince myself that the world is as confused as i am. the world also has many questions. the world also lacks all the answers. the world is too caught up in itself to care about someone as insignificant as me. the world also has insecurities. i try to remind myself that the world is also more or less like me. the world will partly judge and partly understand, always. that’s just how things are. and i can take a hint of comfort in that.
It shouldn’t matter if the world judges you. It really doesn’t matter. Do your own thing.
