That one annoying person who always comment " who's she" kon ho bhai! Or kuch b likh lia karo. 🙄 it's irritating tbh now. 

3am Thoughts

2010-2019>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>2020-2023

Confusion

I am so hungry rn but I saw a lizard in the kitchen and idk what to do lol. I need to keep an emergency stack of food in my room 🤦‍♀️😂

Conflict

I feel like living is only consequential. Everything that we are bound to do has its consequences at the end, you just have to learn to accept and move on.

Other

Your mistakes and failures don’t define who you are. Believe you can, and you’ll eventually get there.
Whatever you do, remember that you are not alone. No matter what happens, someone will be there for you
My friend, always remember that you are important and worthy of everything good in this world.

Sending Love <3

Supportive

Is it wrong 
For someone 
To want to be desired
To want to be wanted
The way they have wanted someone in the past
Is it wrong 
To want to be loved
To want to be looked at
They way they have to someone in the past
I wish there was just someone 
Who made it felt 
Like i belong too...

How do you Stop being harsh on yourself? How do you Sit at one place and feel what you are feeling despite knowing your feelings are painful.    

If these painful feelings are what you are supposed to feel how long is this process of feel pain going to go on??

Every one is telling me to Stop being harsh on myself and sit and feel what I'm going through

Any suggestions??



Mental Wellbeing

2020
Began my year by wishing someone at 12, someone really special . Everything was going smooth. I made sure to prioritise my health over everything else . Would wake up early, exercise, attend my classes ( they went online for the first month) I would try new healthy recepies everyday , studied and scored well and the best part I had someone to listen to me at the end of the day, so I would just hide under my blanket and tell him every bit of it , how this one exercise sucked and how much I dislike this one girl at my tuition . It was a mutual thing, we were both equally obsessed with each other but ofcourse that’s not how life works right ? Things began to fall apart , “ it’s not the same anymore “ that’s what he said , began to ignore my ilys, stopped asking for my pictures, got dry . It was hurtful , it really was and I couldn’t accept it . Soon came my birthday , it didn’t really go as planned but it was a good day . We hadn’t stopped talking and were trying to figure out where did it exactly go wrong . Now I’m a sensitive person and I cry like in seconds , he dislikes that ( I like that he dislikes that ) and clearly he got frustrated. And after 2 more months of trying, it just felt like “ nhi ho paega ab” 
It just wasn’t the only thing bothering me , since I just gave my boards, it was now time for me to decide which stream should choose and I believe that’s an important decision too . I wasn’t in my right state of mind, I couldn’t sleep at nights, I had no one to talk to , no one to clear my confusion. I took a sleeping pill in order to sleep early so that I could get back to my routine . I woke up with a heavy heart for a long long while , I hated waking up, I hated being productive, I hated every bit of it . But I knew I had to be strong so I joined a coaching with a hope to start fresh , to be distracted and to focus on something that’s actually important. We were still in contact , we just didn’t talk like we used to , it would be just like once twice a week . But seeing him online till late at nights, talking to somebody else while I scrolled through one year back memories , I was more hurt and so I decided to delete my socials, I had to . Felt pretty peaceful. I got alot of attention from alot of guys when I joined the institute . For the first few weeks I did respond but then I realised that that’s not what I am here for , so I made sure to keep my distance and focus on my studies . Soon came the result of my board exams and that was a happy day . I texted him , he didn’t have much to say just a boring “ congratulations “ and I mean wtf was I even expecting!? Kinda felt sad because I remember how he calmed me down my nervousness on the day of my term 1 result and was so happy for me . I scored the highest marks in my institute’s batch and that was a good part, came back home to a cake by my family , also got an iPad . The next two months came with new experiences, I gave a media interview, I got my first ever scholarship, my first ever award  and by God’s grace, I got one more too ! But during all these times, I did feel empty , I tried to restart my life so many times and I failed miserably every time , I couldn’t process and accept the fact that there’s nobody who is willing to listen to me, my happiness, my sadness, my worries, my thoughts. Soon came his birthday, wished him exactly at 12 with a cute paragraph and began to cry . It was the worst feeling I had ever experienced because things were so different an year ago and here we were in the present , unable to fix our bond . 
This year changed me alot, I felt exhausted, I began to hate dressing up or be excited for birthdays so this year was the first time I had not planned a surprise for my sister’s birthday but obv I didn’t want her to feel upset so instead I just took her to the market and instead of  secretly wrapping gifts for her, I just completely gave her the decision to  to pick up whatever she wants and as I had said , I felt like I had lost my excitement , my cheerfulness, this was also the first time I did not get ready for Diwali . Spent the day in pajamas studying . And then came November, the hardest month . I was so determined to focus on my health and studies and I finally gathered up the energy to but life happened again, my grandfather was in icu and my father got dengue, it was a difficult time and on 28th , dadu left us , left us forever . 15 days after that just went like that , people came and went and so many other things took place . 
So I met that special someone for the first time ever after basically knowing and talking to each other from like two years and that was a beautiful day , we tried again to sort things out , failed, tried again, failed, gave it one more shot and now here am I waiting for the clock to hit 12, uncertain about “ if he’ll wish me or not “ . I’m a mess believe me 🥹 
I’m certain that 2023 won’t be for “us” because I’m trying to focus on my studies rather than being involved in any sort of emotional attachment but maybe , someday later in life I might meet him and maybe things will work out then , cause I’m too young now and I have my whole life ahead of me. Maybe all this happened for the good !!


If you really did come this far, thankyou so much for listening 💕 , I really appreciate it and wishing you nothing but the best!

Teenagers

A restless day to do what you want, creates peaceful night.

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts