Struggling with anger with a lot of people in my life…myself included.
I find it hard to find anything redeemable about myself…scarred and other physical flaws from past…no close friends…when i do feel spirited and allow myself to let someone in…they leave me feeling like trash and throw me away.
I was molested …father used me and tnrew me way liie trash…mom called me a demon and made me ferl ostracized…altho i have to admit relationship with her is better…but still anger from the past…she almost let me go like trash in the wind…friends used me like trash…and anytime i think i get close to someone they never talk to me again…they take ehst they want…whayever comfort they want from me then throw me to the side like trash…what do i have to improve? Physically im nothing…mentally screwed…i have no confidence…live for? What purpose…im trash…and everyone has shown me that.
Hey, I believe your past experiences due to your father and mother especially might have had a long-lasting impact, like after trauma. And I don’t know if you’ve tried speaking to a therapist about this, so that you can heal from your past, or sort of overcome it, because that might be the reason that is affecting all other aspects of your life.
You most definitely are not trash, even if you feel like that right now. My suggestion would be to seek a good therapist, especially one that understands abuse and can guide you through to heal and understand your triggers. Often after these incidents, there is a lot of unprocessed trauma and the fact that you have live with your abuser must be severely impacting your mental health.
Don’t blame yourself, because it really isn’t your fault even if people in the past or present have made you feel that way. Major props to you for how far you’ve come.
I appreciate your thoughts and reply very much…though yes I do have a therapist, the thoughts of regret and anger do surge mostly at having a regrettable past…time cant erase the errors of the past…but Im learning to work with what I have and am now…but thanks again.