spend all day telling myself that im enough for myself, that i don’t need anyone else, that i am my best company, yet at the end of the day i wish i had someone to talk to, someone to tell how my day went. 

Actually it is a harsh way to cope up, rather help yourself in way that if you happen to get someone what all things you can do to build up the relation and in the mean time how can you get proactive and lead the way

3am Thoughts

No one can be too busy that they can't reply to your msgs for a whole day...like ah why does this always happens with me...damn...I'm trying avoid this thing...but Idk why I wanna talk with him lol...


Missing someone alot

I want to bang my head against the wall. Since last two months I have not been able to live just for one day . Everyone around me is getting placed , even the ones who did not study for three years . I have been rejected 6 times despite of 3 years of hard work.
Why I can't get a job like everyone is getting so easily. why it is hard for me only . I have become weak due to this , everyone make fun of my weight . 
I have been with a girl since two years , I am so much in love with her and I swear I literally try to keep her happy but she wants to breakup with me. She says that I don't have even one quality so that we can stay together . 
My grandma is also ill and I cant go outside of hostel till Novemeber.
These things have made me feel the worst person and I can't see any hope of living, I don't want to do anything now. I want to quit.

Relationships

I said my school guy that I am going to gym and after two days we all will meet up and I feel cliche like I was speaking high of myself like I am some great guy hah i hate it if he told many people I just spontaneously told as I was coming from gym he didn't even ask anything I didn't know what to say and said that I feel cringe (ewe I did that) 

Anxiety

How do you get out of depression?

Depression

You know when I was born, my older sister locked herself in a room and didn't even come to see me. She was jealous of a newborn baby who apparently 'hogged' all of parents' attention. And 18 years later it is the exact opposite. My parents worship her. Like for example, my dad is out of town and I call him everyday to see if he's doing okay mentally but guess what, even then he is worried why my sister hasn't called him ever once. He never even asked me how am I doing mentally or physically when I am fighting for my life during such a turmoil period of my life. My mother, who does the same is always so worried about my sister. They both think I am Independent enough to take care of myself and feed myself, that they have started to forget about me. They only call me for trivial work like paying bills, fixing tech for them etc. And my elder sister is so so privileged and lucky - She has a bf, she is finiah her medical degree, she goes out to parties and lives her life as if there is no tomorrow. I on the other hand lifeless inside 

Life

It has just been 2 new days of the new year, and nothing feels different. All is the same. The problems, the tensions revolving around, no peace, disturbed mind. Gosh

Life is like riding motorcycles too keep your balance you must keep moving 

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