sometimes its like i can feel my body falling apart. my body doesn’t work properly, i can’t eat without throwing up in my mouth for hours afterwards, i don’t have the energy to walk up and down the stairs. it is even hard to get out of bed most times. the people i love most try to help but i don’t want to tell them how bad i am doing. i don’t want to kill myself but sometimes I think about the idea fondly. it gives me comfort to know i could kill myself anytime i wanted to.
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