So there’s this guy who I think is interesting. My kinda interesting. He’s pretty good at catching hints too. I initiated our first conversation and we have quite a few common interests and outlook towards like. Some don’t match though. I really want our acquaintance to become bigger than what it is now. We have polite and meaningful conversations with each other. But I would like to know him more and I want him to know more about me. Like our likes and dislikes. What makes us happy/sad/angry. Basically the stuff that’s required to build a strong relationship. Although he’s quite intelligent, I don’t know whether he gets my hints or he’s turning a blind eye to me. I have tried subtle ways of letting him know that I like him and enjoy his companionship. Also, I tried to bring in the picture of another guy just to see how he’d react. I really couldn’t make out from his expression if he disliked it or he was just being indifferent.
The guy in question isn’t extraordinary but my eyes see him in a way that makes him so. I have had past crushes who were mind-blowingly awesome. Still I am unable to just forget him and go on like there’s nothing messy about my emotions.
There’s also a pattern that I have been observing with the kind of guys I get attracted to. Intelligent, smart, kind, tall, handsome (a bit at least) with a strong sense of individuality and self worth. The downside is that these guys are emotionally highly unreachable by normal standards. How do I get to make him understand that I want to see him more than as just an acquaintance by being subtle. I don’t want any awkwardness to come in between us (we work at the same place and have quite a few mutual friends)?
I feel like this guy is just enough alike me so that I can be comfortable and just enough different from me so I won’t be bored. I just don’t know what to do with him. Before knowing him, he was like a mystery. After knowing him a little bit, I want to know him better. I am the kind who when gets curious wants to learn a lot. Be it a topic or a person. Or I keep getting the feeling that something is incomplete.
I can’t go on like this any longer. I am unable to get over him. And coz of that, I am unable to see any other guy as a potential mate. I am ready for a life of settling down with a man and don’t want to keep playing the game of ‘what next?’
Any useful suggestions are welcome. Any posts/videos/books that can help me with it are also welcome. Someone put some sense into me.
hey, I can relate to what you’re feeling, specially the fact about liking people with a certain “pattern” It’s like we’re an unending loop and end up falling for the same person again and again. I was in this cycle for about 2 years where I used to be just focused on one person and would give my time and attention to him. That didn’t help at all because ultimately nothing happened between us and I ended up wasting a year of my life.
What ultimately helped me was focusing on my work. I started putting time in myself. I wake up each morning and listen to podcasts while walking for half an hour, that helps me spend time with myself.
Also, now, once I’m out of the loop, I don’t limit myself from talking to just one person. Idk if it’ll sound bad or not but right now I’m talking to 3-4 people (not leading anybody on) but having different conversations so that i don’t get attached to any one person without even knowing that it’s going to go somewhere.
You asked for suggestions and I think these podcasts really helped me:https://stylemagazines.com.au/lifestyle/podcasts-to-encourage-self-love/
Do look into it! :)
Hey, thank you for your reply. The reason I tool time to respond is coz I wanted to see if the podcasts are having an effect on me. Some of them are really good. I listen to them when I travel to work everyday. They made me realize that there’s so much of a world beyond a crush :P I mean, it hit the right spot. Talking to a few others without leading anyone on will be the right way to keep a check on yourself, I think? Coz I tried this too. I mean, just friendly banter and it made me snap back to reality in a way I didn’t think would happen.
Also, this guy that I think is interesting…we have quite a lot of differences. The more I talk to him, the more I know him to be waaay different from me. As a fleeting crush, he might be the guy but for making a lifelong commitment, i don’t think so.
If you can help me out with more of such posts/articles pertaining to self-worth/self-esteem/grooming, I’d be really grateful. Not that there is a dearth of info, but if it comes from someone who can empathize with me, i would take it more seriously.
So, thank you. :)