So there’s this guy who I think is interesting. My kinda interesting. He’s pretty good at catching hints too. I initiated our first conversation and we have quite a few common interests and outlook towards like. Some don’t match though. I really want our acquaintance to become bigger than what it is now. We have polite and meaningful conversations with each other. But I would like to know him more and I want him to know more about me. Like our likes and dislikes. What makes us happy/sad/angry. Basically the stuff that’s required to build a strong relationship. Although he’s quite intelligent, I don’t know whether he gets my hints or he’s turning a blind eye to me. I have tried subtle ways of letting him know that I like him and enjoy his companionship. Also, I tried to bring in the picture of another guy just to see how he’d react. I really couldn’t make out from his expression if he disliked it or he was just being indifferent.
The guy in question isn’t extraordinary but my eyes see him in a way that makes him so. I have had past crushes who were mind-blowingly awesome. Still I am unable to just forget him and go on like there’s nothing messy about my emotions.
There’s also a pattern that I have been observing with the kind of guys I get attracted to. Intelligent, smart, kind, tall, handsome (a bit at least) with a strong sense of individuality and self worth. The downside is that these guys are emotionally highly unreachable by normal standards. How do I get to make him understand that I want to see him more than as just an acquaintance by being subtle. I don’t want any awkwardness to come in between us (we work at the same place and have quite a few mutual friends)?
I feel like this guy is just enough alike me so that I can be comfortable and just enough different from me so I won’t be bored. I just don’t know what to do with him. Before knowing him, he was like a mystery. After knowing him a little bit, I want to know him better. I am the kind who when gets curious wants to learn a lot. Be it a topic or a person. Or I keep getting the feeling that something is incomplete.
I can’t go on like this any longer. I am unable to get over him. And coz of that, I am unable to see any other guy as a potential mate. I am ready for a life of settling down with a man and don’t want to keep playing the game of ‘what next?’
Any useful suggestions are welcome. Any posts/videos/books that can help me with it are also welcome. Someone put some sense into me.
hey, I can relate to what you’re feeling, specially the fact about liking people with a certain “pattern” It’s like we’re an unending loop and end up falling for the same person again and again. I was in this cycle for about 2 years where I used to be just focused on one person and would give my time and attention to him. That didn’t help at all because ultimately nothing happened between us and I ended up wasting a year of my life.
What ultimately helped me was focusing on my work. I started putting time in myself. I wake up each morning and listen to podcasts while walking for half an hour, that helps me spend time with myself.
Also, now, once I’m out of the loop, I don’t limit myself from talking to just one person. Idk if it’ll sound bad or not but right now I’m talking to 3-4 people (not leading anybody on) but having different conversations so that i don’t get attached to any one person without even knowing that it’s going to go somewhere.
You asked for suggestions and I think these podcasts really helped me:https://stylemagazines.com.au/lifestyle/podcasts-to-encourage-self-love/
Do look into it! :)
Hey, thank you for your reply. The reason I tool time to respond is coz I wanted to see if the podcasts are having an effect on me. Some of them are really good. I listen to them when I travel to work everyday. They made me realize that there’s so much of a world beyond a crush :P I mean, it hit the right spot. Talking to a few others without leading anyone on will be the right way to keep a check on yourself, I think? Coz I tried this too. I mean, just friendly banter and it made me snap back to reality in a way I didn’t think would happen.
Also, this guy that I think is interesting…we have quite a lot of differences. The more I talk to him, the more I know him to be waaay different from me. As a fleeting crush, he might be the guy but for making a lifelong commitment, i don’t think so.
If you can help me out with more of such posts/articles pertaining to self-worth/self-esteem/grooming, I’d be really grateful. Not that there is a dearth of info, but if it comes from someone who can empathize with me, i would take it more seriously.
So, thank you. :)
You are Absolutely right my dear friend 🤗
Yes, we all need that one person in life who is there for us emotionally mentally and physically and that’s absolutely fine however when that person starts to take control over your emotions and thoughts is when you need to understand that you are depending on him/her and that only happens when we have low self image and self esteem.
When you are connected and love yourself enough, we don’t really look for it outside us … we are full then and as women we lack a lot as we have been conditioned as a child and thou we grow to be an independent ladies unconsciously we get trapped into this…
Only suggestion I would give is
First thing is work on yourself. Make yourself very strong by investing time and money on yourself so that you don’t look for emotional support and love outside … and that’s when you start to attract people around you 🧡
Secondly if you are not very sure of your feelings to his person or his feelings for you … give your relationship some time, don’t be in a hurry !!
And if for some reason you feel this is bothering you then my friend just go and speak your heart out and say what u feel and understand if this person really has the same feelings ( as many times guys have the same but struggle to show up ) or not. And if not then you are just wasting your time wanting to know and understand him .
Life is too short to get stuck with one person who doesn’t value you and your feelings , for sure you will find the right person who deserves you …
Lots of love to you and wish you more happiness in life 🧡🤗