Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

So, There was a girl whom I met in class 2 and in a year I felt a strange connection I know I was too young for this but I had that but then we started talking and playing together. Then a boy came in 5th standard and instantly became my bestfriend and I told him everything about her and he also got attracted to her He used to tell me that he would do Try on her and I said Okay after one year when we were talking I thought what I’m doing He is my bestfriend and I don’t want anything to ruin this so I stopped talking to her. Then in class 8 he proposed to her and she accepted it after that she and I used to talk like friends and whenever they had a fight both come to me till she and I had a fight which was completely my fault
I Said sorry and everything but it was not same so it was going just same.
Then the 10th boards came she was sitting just behind me so we used to cheat and talk alot make jokes and everything. We left our exam 30 minutes early to go out and eat pani puri. After that I thought that we can friends again, Then came 11th she and my bestfriend chose PCB and I chose PCM. But we had only 2 separate class though so we used to study together. Then one day our principal caught them in a room sitting together alone and They were like the famous couples of school and they’re family knew and her father used to beat her up for this. her father was called Manytimes because of this. So this time the principal decided to Transfer my bestfriend to a different campus of our school and they did so. After that they had fights like everyday and eventually they broke up
He stopped talking to me coz he wanted me to come with him but it was not possible as I asked my parents and we not had that much money you know to pay for bus and hostel fees but I didn’t told him that I just said I can’t .
Then after like 4 months during the sports meet in school she fell down while running and a huge wound so I helped her took her to a class and applied ointment and dressed her leg. She cried infront of me because she thought that I was never gonna talk to her I stopped her and said chup chuhiya I used to call her that alot. After that we became very close eating lunch together. Sitting together during game’s period and all she used to talk about him and I tried to ask them both about the reason but they never told me about it. So like this 11th passed and During Summer My mom and dad had a huge fight and mom went to nanu’s place because of me
So I used to be depressed a little. So classes started and then the teacher who we all took tutions from decided to teach us together so she and I are going to same tutions I had stopped
Talking to anybody and everything
So like this days couple of months passed and there was my birthday
She texted me with her mother’s phone and it was the first time I had received any text or anything from her
So we talked a little and at night when i was with my bestfriend I told him about that she texted me and he got emotional and said can you tell her to have a conversation with me and I said so First day he again message her arrogantly as she had no Idea that he was talking. I told him that how she would know she thought It was me. Then next day he called in the morning and said me to take blame for everything like to say I was the one who messaged her like that but I had already told her that he was depressed that’s why he had done that and I said to talk in the evening with my phone and they talked and everything got good and They patched up. Her birthday is just one week after mine so he and I brought chocolate’s for her and it was going good between us but I came to know that she and him were annoyed because of me texting her as his father would see so I stopped that and I became more close to her as she had a fight with her bestfriend, one day mom had some attack at nanu’s place and had breathing problem I wanted to go but she said not to bring me. I was sad and was crying in the class as it was lab period so was empty then she came and saw me crying and as she came I stopped and told her that mom is in the hospital so i was just feeling bad. She stayed there with me and talked with me then she grabbed my hand took me to the lab where I was playing with the surgical blade like pressing it against my veins she saw and slapped me and took it from my hand and gave a horrifying look but I could see her eyes were all wet. we used to slap eachother for like fun but that felt Serious and Instantly I said sorry Idk why but I think she thought I would cut my hand with it and at evening at the tution she told me not to have a thought like that so. Like this boards came again her sitting was just behind me so we talked, cheat and everything. Then we used to text eachother in a week or two then we stopped talking idk why and one day they broke up I didn’t knew the reason and my bestfriend told me to block her So I did so and then after sometime they patched up and continued for 2 months and then had a fight broke up eventually I felt a guilt that I should have asked her one time what she was feeling. Then days, months, years passed I couldn’t forget her I tried but I never had a feeling like that for anybody after two years at my birthday she messaged me wishing happy birthday and I was at cloud 9 that she is not upset with me and thinking about that I felt sad and guilty. So we talked everyday for like a week and eventually I said sorry for leaving her when she needed me. So it’s we talk in like a day or two. So I am confused what should I do now, I told my bestfriend about this and he said he is fine about my feelings and all and said I should ask her and as he was in a very serious relationship with someone else. So what should I do??