So the thing is from a month I'm doing tarot card reading about me and my ex

Results for tarot
Firstly it showed that my ex has guraded her feelings and she don't want to open up then now it shows that she is ready to open up 
Tarot card said that she will not show her emotions and will act confident and happy in front of me but from the inside she really wants me but will not communicate with me because she is scared of rejection
So i met her yesterday she was talking to her friend and was looking very happy and i think that she ignored me

Our tarot reading really true 😞??

Well 4-5 days earlier also I saw her that time she was looking like she is stuck in some matter but I'm not sure if it was our matter

YouTube 
I didn't had personal reading but trust me all the 1000 of reading I saw from different youtubers they all were telling the same

She only have one close friend and that also is her neighbour and she is very private i am 100% sure she will never talk about her feelings to her

U can go to youtube 
There are many tarot readers that do personal reading online

So i did breakup with my ex as of now she's my
ex so it is ex haha, the reason to breakup with
her was I'm the guy who needs to get
understood no matter what, I've been through
like hell, which i was there by myself nd
sometimes my friends where there for me, my
ex she used to not understand me much, it had
been 2 months of dating we were like attached
to each other before dating nd after we started
to date we were totally attached to each other
but lately the fights started to happen over
small issues nd she used to get sad or emotional for it and didn't used to talk like 2 days nd again we used to talk, she didn't used to have anger for much time, so that was pretty good of her okay so idk lately I wasn't at all interested in her anymore because i always used to make efforts to
make her happy, but i never was happy she
never made anything to make smile this never
worked out so but still I kept on compromising nd all stuff forgot to mention it was clearly a casual dating life okay so the mama needs to be treated like a queen it seems okay but for that I need to know that she is special so that she can be treated she had demands to travel in car when I couldn’t take out car nd if I do with friends she used to compare bcz my friends are there from long but she was from now nd silly stuffs so I decided nd took forward the step of leaving her this was my first step towards myself like standing for myself which I never used to do it, nd lately so I thought to say our common friends we broke up bcz things weren’t working properly I said them this reason but she was like he changed he wasn’t the one like he used to be nd doesn’t give me time dude this is causal dating what does expect things dude a guy gets his own mood swings so I stay away from everyone where I need time for myself which she never understood but still she’s like after all the things u blamed me I’m a bad person to my friends nd all she said , she was the one who let me down at the first place nd why would she do like this this was totally unfair well after breaking up I was daymn happy nd exited she wasn’t ever ready for my lifestyle nd her thinking were like village thoughts mine were like city thoughts it’s a metaphor whatever just wanted to say it out hahah 

Frustration

So about 3 months ago I proposed my crush who was my good friend but she denied by saying that I am wondering person but she doesn't feel the same and but I all always get a vibe she feels something for me but anyway I respect her descion so I am not saying to her about this but I am feeling so hurted every single day because I really love her and I am still not over her I can't stop thinking about her like we were together how will react and all this when I watch something realted to couple mean any happy moments I think of her and then realized we can be together which always made me cry I am crying almost every night from 3 months and I know I am running my life because it's okay 2 months left to college to get over and I haven't figured anything for me but this feeling hurt so good and moreover she agreed that she will not ruin our friendship but lately I am getting a feeling now she is ignoring me I messaged her after a month and we are having some nice conversation but on middle of the conversation she is ghosted me and I know people will say get over her there more girl in this world , focus on yourself but I already heard alot of this from people 🥲🥲 and this is the only girl I have ever liked in my 21 year of life  she was  genuinely the first girl I ever liked i sometimes feel I am worthless and though she is a Very nice girl she deserves the best maybe I was not the best maybe I am worthless


Lonely

Am suffering from relationship problem

She is selfish and making me do all the things needed for her and there is lack of mutual efforts and I have told lot about the mutual efforts to her. And also I feel no care in our communication but she tells everyone that she is loving me and she is
 good. But the main thing is she doesn't accept is mistake but blaming me always. 

So I am not able to cut cause over emotional to her so how I can sort out anybody please reply me. 





Relationships

I met a girl on a juice shop we talked because of the language barrier between her and the juice shop bhaiya then I don’t know why I continued talking to her we shared number that time only and we went back and started talking. I got to know she was going to get married so I thought better not to talk then but somehow that night only we went out on a date kind of thing we talked and I liked her and she even complimented me and told me that she don’t want to get married. Then we came back their was a connection next day in night we went to the movie even she didn’t know which movie we were going still she came by telling lie to her fiancé and stayed at my room that night but nothing happened. We both were feeling the connection and the happy feeling but knew we can’t do anything because the next day his fiancé was coming back. The next day also we went out and then we were having dinner where I asked her who was I am to her. She just told me that I was the best 3 days of her life I made her feel like a queen and she won’t forget those 3 days. I didn’t even kissed her. She just told me to forget her and be happy. I took her back to my pg on the terrace for dinner I was not talking to her but she asked me to get the terrace empty and I did. We just stood their and hugged closely for 10 mins. Now she got married and is happy and I am over her but sometimes I remember what if I had done something differently.

Feels like Heart would be broken again... Feels like Again i have Choosed a person who is no longer serious  about anything... Now I dnt know i should continue staying wth that person or leave. One side she is Like i love you but i am not sure About future or relationship. Sometimes she says okay we are good together and after some days she says we are different maybe she is not much serious about me.   She is 6 years younger then me and she is like i have my other life plans. i dnt know what should i do


I'm feeling broken and defenseless. It's l have lost all the strengths and everything necessary for success or progress of any kind. I feel numb. I cannot willingly continue doing anything consistently. I have become lazy and hopeless in life. Lately, I've been talking to a girl, spending time with her. I've been really tensed about certain things about her and feeling insecure about it, from the smallest things like posting on social media, talking to other people, delaying responses, and other things. Since a few days ago she has reduced talking to me. Now I see her growing like anything, and I feel so jealous and sad about it. At first, I was fiddling with this emotion but now that started thinking about things a bit deep I've realized that it is not her it's me. I want to push her away at this point. I want her to hurt me and make me lose interest in her, as I did previously with Aman too. It's easy this way and I've been doing this subconsciously. Well, all I can say is this has led me to all this depression and laziness about myself. I don't respect my intuition, ideas, goals, time, importance, and presence Together, I don't respect myself anymore. Although I know I have capabilities that I talk about, the appearance and features god has given me, the sense and taste that I have been gifted with, the intelligence and kindness which all in all is so rare, but when I look at myself I don't respect a shit of this. I give assertion to their existence in me and condole myself whenever I feel low or feel dreamy. What a waste I am! I was thinking about why I am pushing away everything in life from love to career to passion to happiness to everything, I reason that arises is maybe because I grew up without a dad. I was always soft in school, never utilized my potential, never got the appreciation I deserve, or never gave into love so never felt loved and always blamed luck, but it is what it is. This is one reason I fear to love, I fear growth, I get jealous, I'm losing hair, and have thousands of other problems yet doing nothing about it. I don't know what will happen in life. But I know one thing for sure that if it keeps on going like it is now, I'm gonna lose all my health, my hair, my appearance, my stance, my left self-respect, my ego, my mind, and myself completely as well. Please God, save me. Only a miracle can have an effect on my brain and can make me better. All the best to everyone struggling out there.

Depression

Now i think its all over for her i think she lost felling for me or i done something wrong but I know I do everything to make her every day happy i do everything but now i am blocked she is enjoying her life soo good she is all good and me i am all dead inside smiling and crying i think i haven't be there 🥲 i think i have to die of just do Something 🥲🥲 to me so just for a second she just show me that she cared me 🥺🥺🥺

3am Thoughts

There is a girl in our community with whom I've been talking to in her DM for like 3 days now, even though she replies to me after 2-3 hours but I understand that she is busy and that's absolutely okay. It's not that the conversation is one-sided, she too asks questions to me.

 Should I ask her to hang out with me tomorrow or some other day she finds comfortable? 

I'm feeling a bit awkward and I don't know how will she react. 

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