Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

So my post might not seem as bad as others but I’m a weak twig to break, when I had my first gf I was happy and content but she had a relationship addiction, RelationShip Addiction is when a person gets in a relationship for themselves to feel better and once they no longer have that feeling they leave their partner ,and she also manipulated me and blackmailed me but in my case she broke up with me In 8 hrs in the relationship…,I was broken I thought I would be able to tell my parents yay I finnaly not single and see her face bright up when I was thinking of going to a cafe but all those ideas all shattered,instead I just thought of what’s wrong with me am I ugly,I’m fat,boring,cant keep a relationship, and she kept getting more bf’s and I just thought wow I guess that answers my question and after a year of not trusting people and blending with the background I went to the next grade and I tried my luck,6 times, 1 friendzoned me hard,4 I learned they just dont like me and the last one i kept my space since she was going through stuff too so I respected her privacy, and this quarantine stuff hit me alone with my thoughts of I’m fat,ugly,boring,offputting,failure bc my dad always bragged when he was young girls chased him and me just trying desperately, the one that friendzoned me hard I went to a ramen bar with her, talked everyday about our day and friends,and she was beautiful, we both were Hispanic had curly hair and loved anime and coffee, the day I confessed she said the usual I see u as a friend and that echoed in my head for that day, I was spiraling to pot of confusion and deppression I would sleep everyday just hugging my pillow and crying after waking up after having a dream dating a girl and going for a hug and poof pillow this also made me have a short temper at anything I would cry in any arguement that was even pointless and I would run at the bathroom and I would get pissed at everything that was stupid my temper is so bad I ignored everyone at school even teachers asking me a question I wouldnt care I just gave up on everything at that point I even ignored friendly goodbyes and people trying to get my attention and just sleep cuz I already had good grades and just wanted to go home and sleep and watch Netflix in the pitch dark, I would contemplate how I’m not a man and how I’m a weak little shit that cant deal with anyone and rn my family is struggling financially and that scares me and hopefully nothing bad will happen soon.