So it's been 7 weeks of my breakup. It's been been while I saw my ex. Today I saw him in college.. we splitted on good terms mutually..I saw him it didn't affect me much like it used to but still I feel sad that we couldn't be together. Like very sad.

I liked him soo much and then all this happened 

that's life, dear. not everything works out. but in the end, it's for your own good.

It's okay, every new chapter is like a lesson in one's life, somethings end and somethings go on for eternity. If we start living in the past, who's going to live the present...just acknowledge that it was beautiful and move on to find something even greater..

Breakup

I really need to figure out something. We have been in a long distance since two years now. But since last six months my boyfriend has stopped talking to me very frequently. I constantly feel he does not want me in his life. I explained him everything that I am feeling but he still does the same thing again and again. He is not even letting me go. What should I do ?? I feel my needs are not met. I don't feel that emotional connect anymore. It's always me who initiate the conversation. He ghost me completely at times. But when I try to initiate the breakup he tells me he loves me. What is this going on ????

3am Thoughts

Not happy. Never happy.

Depression

Want one word Insta bio  (be creative)

"Where I feel most alive is when I am in the football pitch, I remember once going through a breakup, I spent almost my whole day on the pitch not thinking about anything apart from the game or how to imporve my game, and while playing you have only one thought wherein you worry about the next pass or the next goal, you run so much your main focus is to breath as quickly as you can so that you are running as fast as you can to help your team. I feel the most alive when you score that important goal for the team or even make an important pass during the build up to make that goal. When your teammates just watch in awe when you dribble pass the opponent and make that difficult pass to open up the play and that gives you the upper hand in the game.
But now unfortunately, my parents are trying their best to make me stop going to play, they are telling me to focus on studies, why can't they understand that I will be able to focus on studies as well as play football? I have done that in the past and I can continue that. What if I want to take my career in football? Why can't they understand my point of view? How do I tell them football is where I feel most alive? They think with the old thinking that sports is useless and is a hindrance to the studies, how can someone tell our parents to open up their mind? I hate them so much."

Nostalgia

I crave for sex😭

Sexual Health

I haven't yet decided to give up on life....I'm waiting for that day when I will commit suicide without any hesitation😶

Frustration

I am feeling very low. I was a very well performing student during my college and degree course, I even was a rank holder, was very outspoken, active in all academic and non academic functions. I decided to go for UPSC CSE preparation, and since then, I have been at the lowest of all times in my life. I hardly got a chance to carry forward my hobbies, or practice what I am interested in, I am a master of Arts in English literature. Life has always been very layered for students of literature as we get different perspectives to look at life and the world. Some people believe that Humanities is not useful but I always felt sciences and humanities complement each other and he world needs both of them in equal part. I had joined UPSC preparation because I was fascinated by the syllabus and the opportunity it provides to understand our social, political, cultural setting, seriously, I was never going to read the constitution of India if it wasn't for this exam. I am happy that I learnt so much, but at the same time, I feel like  a machine, I derive no enjoyment from what I am doing. Even though English Literature was difficult sometimes, I never was depressed, But here I feel depressed. I go through anxiety loops, lose my calmness a lot of time, I also get very violently suicidal and sad for no particular reason. Now that I have started preparing, my family's expectations are at an all time high, the start motivating me if I talk of leaving the preparation, and it does not help me in any way. I was 23 when I started preparing, I failed the CSE exam once, not sitting at home, doing nothing apart from reading the same books like a machine, I grew 25. Those who were my juniors in college have joined PhD, or getting jobs, above all, they are pursuing their passion, or maybe they could identify what they want and what would suit them unlike me. I feel like I am living behind the world, I have no motivation to live, my family's and friend's love has kept me going but I DON'T HAVE Any will to live anymore, I just feel like if I could die suddenly, I will be fine. 
The only good thing that has happened with me is that I met someone special during this and fell in love, but I don't know how will I be able to carry forward this since the other things in my life , like the ones i Mentioned above are so distressing. Recently I came across hate comments, slut shaming and character assassination from some old acquaintances, this has added to my mental health issues. The base for all their comments was only that 7 years ago I entered into relationship 3ice but none of them worked for me, I felt uncomfortable , used and controlled and I didn't love them for that, so I walked out, I don't know where I was wrong. 

I have no clue what to do, I just spend my days scrolling through social media or just beating around the bush and nights with wide open eyes, unable to sleep, or cry uncontrollably for no apparent reason.  

I am feeling better I wrote my heart out, if you are reading this, thanks for listening to me.

Stress

Anyone who is going for international studies. Any advices you guys want to give would be appreciated. 
Ps Am moving to canada for data analytics course.


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