so im going to vent ready.

So i am fucked, well my life was going great a few months ago everything was amazing, friends, family, school, body, love i mean fucking perfect. But then everything changed. So first up, i have a condition ( which i did not know in that time) which can give me depression, low energy, it can mute my feelings etc. I started to feel weird but i didn’t really pay attention, but i got wos and wors, i had to fake a smile, i did really feel anything, happy, sad, nothing. Then my friends al of a fucking nothing left me, like really fucking left me. And it hurt, it hurt bad. they were going out and talking shit. AND the worst of all has that it hurt because I really made a connection with them we went on trips together with some i talk all day like 24/7 I told them really deep thing but one day they just left. My depression got bad, I didn’t eat, sleep or leave my bed, and i gained weight ( which is also a symptom of the thing i have) so know i have body dysmorphia and i fantasies about cutting my fat so my body can look perfect . then i got diagnosed and they told me like this pills will make you happy again. And that crushed me. I NEED FUCKING PILLS FOR THE REST O MY LIFE TO ME HAPPY. if 1 day i don’t take them i don’t feel like myself again and that makes me scared because my family has a history with bipolar disease and i am fuck scared that maybe i am bipolar, maybe that i was a bad diagnosis. and i can’t shake the feeling of not feeling, it felt so weird, and wholow like what the fuckwas wrong with me.

That all for today so yeah bye.