So I know what Iโm gonna say is not ok but anyway, ever since I was young (probably 8 or 10 Iโm not sure) I kept having small hallucinations about death and just so you know those hallucinations appear without a specific reason and I canโt control them. Like, it doesnโt matter where I am, all I see for a few seconds is a lot of dead people on the floor/ground and a lot of blood literally everywhere, sometimes I only see 1 dead/mutilated person, also sometimes Iโm seeing myself dead staring at a wall or at something else. I have always knew those arenโt real and Iโm just imagining or hallucinating, but the bad part is not this, the bad part is that I was never scared of those things, no, it actually makes me feel calm, satisfied for some weird reason and yes I know itโs completely wrong to feel like that but I can not feel in another way.
Btw i know I will never ever kill someone, I know I will never give up on my future for something as stupid killing someone, and I know I will never ever end someoneโs life just for my own satisfaction/pleasure. I only wrote this cause I wanted to share this and who knows maybe one of you knows how to help me to become more โnormalโ
Wadapaav @therealwadapaav
Wanna connect?
Idk man, Iโm not really in the mood for socializing honestly =/
Wadapaav @therealwadapaav
No issues. I had a few similar experiences when I was a kid. Being a lonely person since a star really affects you somewhere. My nightmares still haunt me and I havenโt spoken about it to anyone. Ik for a fact how worse they can get and it went to a point I started abusing drugs. I am glad I came out of it and that finally they are over. I wish the same for u
Iโm glad to hear that youโre better now. Honestly I started smoking and drinking a little thinking that it might help which it does but not that much=/, and those things made more bad than good so I kinda took a break from them, but hopefully Iโll get over everything soon enough
Wadapaav @therealwadapaav
Can I ask you something if you donโt mind? You donโt have to answer if you feel it makes you uncomfortable. Was there any incident deep inside your mind fixed up when you were a kid? A suppressed memory of the dead or something you watched as a kid which is haunting you?
No, there is nothing like that. My guesses were always those: my biological father did drugs when he made me and thatโs a problem, my step dad taught me to beat anyone who annoyed me no matter the consequences also it might be the fact that I started self harming almost at the same age I started having those hallucinations
Wadapaav @therealwadapaav
What is the situation currently with you? Do u still suffer from this kind of treatment from your family?
Well yeah I still do
Wadapaav @therealwadapaav
Are you an adult?
Kinda, yes and no, Iโm 20
Wadapaav @therealwadapaav
Is it okay for you to talk here. I would prefer to connect rather than everyone else seeing this. Thatโs all.
Iโm gonna go at a psychiatrist or something like that cause they can help me, and I actually tried to talk with someone I trusted about this and I felt so judged and they told me I should seriously stop talking about it cause itโs scaring them, that was my ex
https://www.quora.com/What-do-murderous-thoughts-mean-I-have-hallucinations-of-me-killing-people-where-they-stand
So this is the link of an answer from quora. Please read the first answer given by Lisa(the last part might be relatable to you about visual hallucination).
