So I got an exam’s results today and it’s not what I had expected. It’s not bad but it’s not great either. I’m sick of being average. I want to move up. And I’m pretty sure I won’t get the college I’m striving for with the scores I have.
It’s just so so so so frustrating. Mom had this second of disappointment on her face and I’m tired of sucking at everything.
One. Full. Year. Of. Work. I mean it’s like the universe has chosen me as it’s very own clown.
I got my grades from this semester too. Not bad, but they weren’t excellent either. I’m an only child and the last thing I want is to disappoint my family. I know I’m all they have and I’ve always wanted them to be proud of me. I’m telling you this as a 21-year-old girl that wishes she would’ve enjoyed her teenage years more: Grades aren´t everything. I worked my ass off in order to get into college and have good grades, and now that I’ve reached those goals I couldn’t feel emptier. I feel like my youth is passing by and I already wasted have of it.
Oh my goodness. But the pressure is unbearable dude. I’m trying for law. And I’ve been trying so hard!! I just don’t see the results anywhere and I feel like such a failure.
I just need something. Like anything to keep me going. That’s all.
I got another college’s results now. And I didn’t make the cut. 4 marks dude. I didn’t make it by 4 marks. I’m sick of this. It was the same thing last year too. I just want to make it.
I can’t handle the pressure anymore. I feel like I’ve not grown at all from last year and I ended up repeating only to study in the same college I got last year. I mean honestly, I don’t know. I feel like I’m just screwing up everything up. And I. Just. Want. To. Do. Well. For. Once.
Just make my parents proud. I just need something to keep me going because rn I have nothing. Absolutely nothing. I’m numb , empty , broken and just lost.