So glad that one toxic user has been banned. The app is a better place without him. 

Anger Issues

I just wish we had not become friends, cause now the end is causing a lot of pain. 

3am Thoughts

“My Life”

It's my life
My choices
Does that even matter? 
I try, I cry
At the end, I can't fly
What's the use? 
Let's break the fuse



My ex text me in WhatsApp, then he deleted it. I felt so uneasy about it, do you guys think I should text him back? Or he playing with my feelings 

Breakup

Why is it hard to unlove while easy to love someone?

Love

I need help in deciding if the boy who is currently in my life is worth the stress im dealing because his one action have a huge impact on my daily life and i couldn’t focus on anything

Overthinking

I want to share these things if someone could help me out to handle this.
I have severe OCD, even though I have been diagnosed for the past three years. Still i am not seeing any improvement. But whenever the doctor asks me how i am feeling, by that time i feel i am fine. But after returning home, especially when i am alone or no one sees me, i behave like mad.
These are my symptoms I am facing -
I am always scared of god or any devotional thing (either it is pic, or song i hear, any temple near my place), i feel like my sitting or lying position is directed towards any temple or god pictures..etc..so i cant sit or lay down properly for more than seconds.. i always gets up and slaps me and then sit again..i wont be satisfied.. i again gets up and slaps me and sit…again repeat the same thing too many times till i feel like to cry.
When ever i read a book or watch tv or sitting idle or doing some office work, all of a sudden i get the god/goddess pictures flashes in my mind. and immediately i imagine them nude and their private parts or having sex each other, even some times with me too. —- so i feel guilty and stands on my feet and slaps myself and asking for forgiveness and crying and begging excuse of my sinful thoughts - and i don’t be satisfied by doing this once or twice. I do it repeatedly till i get tired
I always get thoughts of spitting on the god pics, always want to kick them with my feet - immediately i realized it and again asking for an excuse repeatedly.
I heard in my child hood that ‘Sani Dev’ is the powerful god and punish us for any sinful acts. I always remembers the name ‘Sani’ prompting that ‘Sani , Sani’, .. if i want to do anything, i immediately get a thought of ‘if i sit like this, Sani will attack, if i do like that Sani will come...if i drink water, Sani, If i don’t read this, Sani’ and i keep changing my positions, directions, repeatedly..
and i wanted to wash my legs properly and if i don’t wash properly, ‘Sani’ will attack..so i repeatedly wash legs again and again and make sure no gaps...if a single drop of water fall on my leg or even if i feel wet on any of my leg, i have to wash my legs fully, otherwise ‘Sani’.. repeatedly...repeatedly..
It became how severe is, all my thoughts of God got replaced by Sani.. Yes..I am getting thoughts of spitting on Sani, Abusing Sani with bad words, having sexual thoughts with Sani..I feel like if i get some thoughts of any other god like this, somehow i could ask for forgiveness and feel relief.. But getting these thoughts on Sani Dev is like a hell to me...i really don’t know how to pray how much i should beg for my abnormal thoughts.
And thinking about over cleaning repeatedly washing hands ..especially when i am in periods, i literally change my dress at least 5 to 6 times in a day and even though if i wash my hands face properly, still i get the doubts like if there is any stain earlier…and i shouldn’t touch there, my clothes shouldn’t touch there, so immediately remove that dress and i shouldn’t be get touched myself by those clothes, so i wash repeatedly again and again… I can’t stop washing if any water drops spill over from the wash basin ,. Also i repeatedly clean the things like chair, sofa…etc. thinking that my period stains touch that place, if i place my mobile or any object by mistake at that place, i do wash them too repeatedly…i even clean the things though they are not touching directly also...like it should be cleaned if any other object which is in contact of any other object that again which is in contact of that used clothes or anything like a chain (though there are no stains at all).
I am really tired of doing all these things on the whole day, i am unable to sleep properly, feeling to commit suicide, whenever i see high buildings, places… i desperately wanted to jump over it..
I am still taking the medicines for this, still i am not happy with the treatment. I am really fed up of taking pills from so long time and want to stop...that’s why i am cheating myself and telling that i am fine to the doctor and to my husband (he literally frustrated with me, he is getting angry if i tell him that still i have problem or if i am not fine)..
I always want to punish myself for my thoughts, scared of each and every moment in my life, scared of the next minute of my life thinking something bad may happen..It is disturbing my work life, personal and family life..
Please help.. please help..


I fricking hate being so afraid of being judged. One random person on the street, whom I will see again, will not change me if they think I'm weird. I don't want to be hated and be alone forever but at this point, I will be alone forever because I avoid people as if they were zombies. I wish I could talk. I know I shouldn't beat myself up but why am I such a coward? I would do this with my user because nobody on here would know who I am, but I am so scared. I just want everyone to like me so I won't be alone. I have a therapist but I am so scared, it's his job to help me but I am just scared that he would think I am nothing but a pathetic excuse for a man. I don't want that. I barely know what I want, I know what I like but other people are barely there. And watch me hide away from all the good-forsaken notifications from people possibly responding. Someone at my school from my class was getting me and a few others in the class presents and they asked me what I wanted but all I could do was hide in my jacket. All they did was ask me what I wanted I would tell them chocolate I wanted nothing crazy but I was too afraid that they would hate me. Why me? What did I do? In a past life was a mass murderer and this is my karma. 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts