smoked up after so long.
Loved the way it made me forget so much about life and made me remember why laughing is so fun & how I miss it amidst all the daily lofe chaos

3am Thoughts

I wish I wasn’t always looking for you. I turn my head around and hope you're there. That is not necessary because you won’t be. You don’t want me and I want you still. That is what hurts me the most because I will always want you I feel. But I need to stop thinking that wayvI need to get over you right now. I need to because I am better than that, better than you. I am better than wanting someone who doesn’t want me. You wouldn't even comfort me in my time of need. I needed you the most these past few weeks. You know that and you still leave me here alone. I am looking around and don’t see anyone who is here for me. I wish we could had had one last talk. I would had told you I love you and I wish you would had not said it back. Then I could start the process of forgetting you. It seems like I am stuck in my life and I need my life to keep going. Please get out of my head. I just don’t understand how you forgot about me so fast. Was I not that important to you? I wish I knew. Why did you just forgot about me so fast?
I was your first and you were mine. Even if it was for different things. You were the first boy I ever loved. I was your first person you loved enough to lose to. This breaks me so much but I have to stop thinking about you. I can’t have you be my whole world anymore. Especially when I am nothing to you now. It hurts like hell but I am trying. I almost hope we never talk again. I hope I stop missing you and I hope I heal from you. All I have is this hope. Hope for someone to come and pick up my broken self and help me. So for now I am going to say goodbye. And forever I will say goodbye. Baby I miss you but you will never me mine again. Goodbye Karson 


What memory do you just keep going back to ?

Here we go again 😁

"Hope holds the bond " 



Hope

So many things are being invented, its high time people invent something to forget memories / feelings that kp haunting us. A pill? Drug? Something!!! Huhh

I’m sorry for what i did wrong
It was selfish and it hurt the both of us
But i know i didn’t matter to you as much as you mattered to me
And it broke me
I still meet you in my dreams
We always have a good end
But in the morning I always look dead
With puffy eyes from crying myself to sleep, blue like someone kept hitting me, red…
Knowing that it was just a dream and you are gone, getting sad about myself because of how my love for you is ruining me
It feels like i’m high, but it’s not that good anymore
I’m not smiling, i’m not laughing
It hurts to know that my dreams will be the only place to feel you close to me again

Dreams

Nothing is forever, not pain, not love. Everything goes eventually, so trust me you'll be okay.

I realized I'm not in love anymore. July 2021 is when "things ended" and I realized I had to move on cuz you and I would never work out. I thought I'd never get over those strong feelings I had for you for 5 years, I thought I would never love anyone like I loved you and I still don't know if I will however I can finally say I've moved on. I still love you but I'm not in love, those feelings changed. Meeting you was a blessing I should've been more grateful for, loving you was the happiest I've ever been but I refuse to believe loving you is the happiest I'll ever be. Not anymore. Thank you for everything, you're the best thing that could happen to me but everything that's good comes to an end and that's fine too, I'll always care and look out for you as a friend, I couldn't be your friend anymore after what happened, I was afraid that you'd associate anything I do with the fact that I was in love with you, I didn't want it to be awkward, I didn't want you to feel guilty when you found someone else, I didn't want you to feel like you owned me anything for what we once had. + Seeing you every day was too much for me to handle if I really wanted to move on.  I wish I would've done many things differently, I messed up many times but I don't regret it bc i can't blame myself for not knowing better, it was my first time having those feelings for anyone, my first relationship, my first kiss.. everything was new to me. Thank You for everything, you'll always be dear to my heart I hope in the future we can be friends like we once were before we felt for each other <3 I'm glad to see that you're doing well, I'm happy for you and I mean it this time.

Love

The false hope,
the selfish one,
and the fool who wants to believe that
she could be the only one.

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts