Thought

wanderer @shehzal

Since 6 years, I’ve been living in a world of my own beliefs. I made an imaginary character in my head and thought that it was him. I believed that I know him all. I didn’t realize I was living in a dream until now. It was all in my head. How could I not know? He was someone else. He wasn’t the person I loved. I just associated both of them. In reality, that person doesn’t exist. I made memories with someone whom I didn’t even know. What am I going to do with all these memories now? How will I tell my heart to stop taking his name? How will I convince my mind to come back to reality?

Profile picture for Now&Me member @wanderer888
10 replies

Why @whyamihere

Considered therapy ?

Why @whyamihere

Sometimes when we can’t figure out things on our own it’s ok to take help

wanderer @shehzal

Yeah you’re right. I’ll think about it

Why @whyamihere

Don’t worry even your therapist won’t judge you whatsoever ., she literally gets paid not to judge

wanderer @shehzal

Yeah right xD

Profile picture for Now&Me member @wanderer888

Wanderer @wanderer888

Are you hallucinating or this is break-up?

wanderer @shehzal

Breakup. Actually, he gave me so much importance,shared the little things in his life, talked about his various experiences,we literally talked on phone for hours. Then, a thing happened with me and he suddenly walked away and said that he was protecting me and himself but soon I realized that it’s not true. I wrote him a message saying that you have just vanished, you should’ve atleast asked how I am doing but the thing is that you’re just protecting yourself, not me. Then I told him that the things that he did like talking for hours, acknowledging my advices, listening to my worries and life dramas, sharing his thoughts , all of this made me think that you really cared for me and I am really important for him but now I realise that its not true. And to this message he responded that 'yeah whatever you wrote is write, thanks for everything you did, T.c goodbye"

Profile picture for Now&Me member @wanderer888

Wanderer @wanderer888

So sorry to hear this 😔

Idk, this is deja vu or what I have been in same situation for years too! I know how shitty it feels when you get to see the downturn. The most known person becomes complete unknown and that drives you crazy like anything. The worst it hurts in the belief system you develop around yourself taking the other person into consideration. Being a guy, there are certain social issues i know that can be handled… but for a girl this is just too much! Specially when, everyone knows about you two or you announce the togetherness openly. I hope you have made some safe circle around you where you can (atleast) talk about it. But, i know it hurts within very very much (like not talking about anything)… and it changes the outlook towards every damn thing around you. No matter how much one consoles you… it’s just not enough! You want things undone!! To the point you forget everything… like you are feeling right now… A complete Nomad zone!

Shit!! I hope i could help you in anyway possible. Do ping me anytime you need to speak your mind on this. ♥️♥️

wanderer @shehzal

Thankyou so much for your kind words. It really does hurt alot. Its just that I cannot understand how can someone be with us for years and still have no genuine feelings and leave like they don’t care at all. My just can’t accept the fact that he was just time passing with me. Like how do I comprehend all those long talks, those meaningful talks, the sharing of everyday events. You know what, we never actually met in real. We had just met twice when we were children because our families are related to each other. He just seemed to be too concerned about me, my family and everything. My heart can’t accept the fact that he didn’t really care about me. How can I let go of the thoughts that keep telling me that he really did care? I don’t know how to move on from those memories. I wish I could ask him what was all that if I wasn’t even important to him…

Profile picture for Now&Me member @wanderer888

Wanderer @wanderer888

Can we connect? Coz, it’s not easy explaining things over here in this old thread. It’s getting lost in the sea of notifications too.

To answer you, I have many things to say/ explain but somehow I feel nothing can cover your heart 💔 as how much deep it hurts… this dilemma… who can know that better? At the EoD, we need to realise that we are done with this… how badly we deny it… but this is past now and we have to live with those unanswered questions, like an unfortunate accident. 😔 WE CAN NEVER PREDICT PEOPLE AND THEIR TIMING. Just forgive yourself this last time, for everything you have been suffered! Such experiences hurts in a deeper level emotionally, that no therapist can ever reach! Only we need to care about us and need to build us again from the scratch. Can’t stop here, this is not the end… just a bad chapter and biggest ever lesson!!

Try to gather your positives from those years and leave the rest, like a promise! And pls never look back again, to whatever you settle in the process. It’s too tough, but it will eventually make you strong… and that’s your life’s call maybe. I have took it this way, and it is helping me to get past a decade’s memory like a nightmare… still struggling… but I will! I want you too to get out of this situation asap. Take care… ♥️♥️

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@michelle1206
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