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@sunshine19

should i cut this friend off?

So I (19,F) and her became close in the first year of uni, when her (lets call her A, 18) ex flatmates bullied her into leaving their flat so she moved in with me. Our dads are really close friends back home so there’s that. Our families also live in the same city.

A bit of background on A: she’s too quiet, the kind of person you wouldn’t even notice. socially awkward, and really really introverted. Me and her were opposites but I guess that’s what made us so close back then.

So I’m generally a very outgoing person an have quite a few friends in different social groups which was good for A because she was practically an outcast after her ex flatmates threw her out and started spreading rumors about her calling her weird etc. So she meets her now boyfriend through me (lets call him M). M was one of my first friends ever in uni and we were super super close.

Come the time for finals, and we study our asses off and go back home. When we get our results, I passed and A failed. Of course she was going through a tough time having to live with her family who weren’t sympathetic towards her so I tried to be there for her as much as I possibly could, checking up on her, helping her out with the resit exam etc. During this time she broke with her boyfriend, M.

Now in second year, she’s not completely over M and she keeps crying about how he wont talk to her and etc so of course I advice her to move on, and that he’s not good for and she deserves better. Turns out they end up getting back together and she tells him everything I told her about him and made it sound like I was against them dating or something. I was only trying to be a good friend and didn’t wanna see a very close friend of mine get hurt again. So M gets angry at me and stops talking to me for months. It pissed me off because M was my friend first and A met M because of me and she ruined our friendship??? anyway this doesn’t end here.

earlier this year in Feb, i was going through a lot, it was one of the darkest parts of my life. I fell out with my friend group due to one toxic narcissistic friend (this is another huge story) who started spreading rumors about me (one of them was that i apparently lied about being sexually assaulted). I was legit depressed and suicidal. This person was literally doing a whole smear campaign against me to make me seem as bad as possible in front of everyone. A messages me (WE LIVE TOGETHER SHE COULD’VE JUST TALKED TO ME BUT NO) and tells me to leave her and her boyfriend out of unnecessary drama. That hurt me so much because i was there for her during her worst time (when she failed) and this is how she treats me when I’m going through shit.

right now i’m stuck with her because of quarantine and she barely if ever makes the effort to talk to me, always has her headphones on in the common area as to avoid talking to me, stays in her room all the time. This just makes me feel like she got what she wanted out of me (support when needed, and one of my friends as a boyfriend) and doesn’t need me anymore so she won’t put in the effort. What does all of this sound like to you? I feel like I should just distance myself without saying anything rather than confronting someone as selfish as her.

1 reply
@girllikeapearl

STOP BEING WITH HER
this is beyond selfish
u gotta cut off all the toxic ppl and negative vibes to live a happy life so focus on yourself do what u love focus on your studies and trust yourself you know you’ve done nothing wrong as a friend u did everything but if she is toxic u cant help
try to ignore her and live your life happily remember she failed and passed just like that karma will get her one day !!! one day when she will break up with M she will come to u that time dont u ever get emotional or sympathetic towards her keep on ignoring her as if she doesnt exist

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