Seems like everything is going against me... Nothing is Good. Jobless since few months my gf wants to end the relatioship. Only some bucks left in the bank account. Dont have good relationships with parents too. I dont know where should i go what should i do...I am just blaming myself I am not Good Enough... i dont know everything is falling apart.

Hey friend, maybe this is just karma. Everything will be alright just keep going! 


I can't seem to shake this feeling - I feel like I don't deserve to be happy, like I don't deserve to move on with my life, and like I don't deserve to live. 

Depression

Nowadays it’s just so hard being myself
I know that your outer looks doesn’t matter but I can’t help but compare myself to everyone I see by looks
To think if I’m prettier than them or not or how my life would be different if I looked like this or that and its so overwhelming 
And along with my ADHD I just wish I can have some time in quiet where there are no thoughts of comparison in my mind

ADHD

Khuda kyu rhoot gya mujsai 
Nhi tha  ber mera tujsai 🥲
Kyu tune cheen lia mujsai mera jaha 🥲
Aye khuda tu bta 


Music

Mene mere dad ko bhut hurt kiya... engagement bhi tode di .... halaki mujh ussi se shadi krni thi phr bhi .... 
I feel like i didn't knew what i was doing that time .... I think i lost my ability to think .... 
Now after my engagement broke  ... every morning when I wake up ... it blow my mind up .... i fell regret and and entire body keeps blaming me ... I want to wake up peacefully like old days ... 
I want to concentrate like old days 

From the time that I could remember I've always picked myself up when I felt low. Sometimes I feel like I'm the weakest person in a room or that I am so mentally unstable because of which I am what I am today , broken and dumb and a disappointment. But then I think of all those times when I, alone, dragged myself from that dark room by all means possible and I would get back on my feet. Its never easy and only the strongest of people can do that. AND I. AM. STRONG. (don't let anyone let otherwise - note to self).
People always say how we should talk to other people. They say 'I'm here for you ' and 'talk to me'. But most of the time I never do. I always try not to talk about my problems to other people (also here problems means the stuff that's way bigger than you think). And the reason I do that, which according to many isn't healthy, is because they never understand. I spent a lot of my energy talking and explaining the reason of my messed up mental health just so they can say 'I understand' or 'it's okay it'll get better' or some advice that I obviously thought about before. I mean I get it, they are helping me, they are putting the effort of listening to me and they don't have an ulterior motive other than to help me, yes. But I'd much rather just talk to myself in the mirror, because at the end of the day only I know me. Unless my friends are professional counsellors or something. Then yes I'd spend money to talk about my problems because they can help. But other than that I always try not to spend my energy on them. This is probably why I don't have much friends.
See, I have friends. I wouldn't say I was popular in school but they all liked me. But somewhere along the way I started pushing them all away I guess.
My mom always used to say I don't know how to choose friends and that I choose the worst friends always. My mom used to say a lot of things to be honest and they're true but they hurt. If I get into that detail then this wouldn't end here. I'd be writing a 200 page book about the problem I have with my mom and my family. I think its like this everywhere. Every brown household. The rebellious daughter and her even more rebellious mother (imagine the chaos). Leaving that to some other time to discuss.
But basically, all I want to say is, it's not easy being alone, but after 19 years of my life if there's one thing I learned it's that being alone with yourself is so much better than being with people. I don't trust people. The moral of my story. 

Mental Wellbeing

Experiencing sleep paralysis is the worst feeling ever...I had it after so months but my heart rate was so much high that I thought it's gonna stop in a minute....I got scared...

3am Thoughts

okay so my ex bf is now dating my brothers ex gf. man are they going to have some talks lmaoooooo 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts