Roe vs Wade overturned....... men are disgusting, they make me sick. As if we're not already paranoid of EVERY MAN as it is. Let's just die of heart attacks because this is F****** CRAZY. Lord please cover these little girls because they rather tell us we cant have rights over ourselves than deal with the worlds biggest problem, pedophile/child abuse. REALLY. What, yall want to disable us? Why do yall think yall just do whatever yall want with us. We don't exist to be yall slaves. Let me think. This equals...sky rocket assualt, which would bring more fear, which would bring more passiveness and submission and more kids and crime, wtf. Men need a reality check, your "authority" isn't recognized over here, yall have a huge problem.

Society

Hi. This is completely new and weird to me since I am an introvert. I am also depressed. I do what other people say "self harm" but I call it healing because that's the only way I feel a little bit better. But I hate being depressed. It makes me feel weak... I try everything... Talked to my friends but nothing helps and I hate it and I want to end it but I cannot. I cannot control the depressing thoughts which enter in my mind. 
Depression has also made me a pessimist. I feel like no one is going to read this. Or reply back. 

Depression

i am grateful for my family but how i wish they would understand me a little bit more. I'm trying my hardest but I'm still not good enough for them 

Family

Kya kaq tha hmko .. job nhi hote hue and jaante hue ki mere ghr waale strict hai . Bina job ke love mrrg ke liye kbhi nhi maanege . Ye jaante hue why did i proposed her . 😭 kya haq tha hmko uske ghr me rishte aa rhe the fir bhi usse kuch time maangna ki job lg jaane do mai tumhi se shaadi krunga ye bolna . 
Kaise maine ummid kr liya ki wo mujhe time degi . 
Kis haq se maine unmid kr liya ki wo mere saath rhegi. In sb ke bawjood. 

Breakup

I feel scared to sleep, lately ive been having nightmares or dreams about being chased by a Russian man. And getting kidnapped and forced into a marriage with him. I have this picture stuck in my head from that dream. We were in my moms house in the kitchen his hands were on my shoulders and he was squeezing them hard and saying in russain "tell her were getting married" he couldnt understand polish so i said to my mum "Hes forcing me to get married" and she looked at me as if she was hypnotized and said in russian " she said 'forced'" and then the man threw me into the car and put chains on my hands..

Anxiety

I am back here after almost a week....
I feel like my life is a rat trap. Keep on doing same routine daily till i die. 

Exhausted

It gets so silent at this hour. I kinda like the silence in a way tbh

3am Thoughts

It all started in 2019, I left my job as a chemical engineer and started a new journey towards learning data science. I joined an institute for training and it lasted for 8 months and from that point, I am jobless.  It's not like I did not work hard for it, I did all I could and I also made few mistakes out of good intentions for myself. 
After every job interview, they said that I cannot get this job because I am from a chemical background.
I have been failing for more than 2 years now and I feel like I should quit and try something else, I am thinking of doing Mtech in Chemical engineering. 
When I told my parents about this they think I am just being a loser and I am failing because I quit too soon, I don't think that trying for 2 years straight and then quitting is too soon. 
I am so depressed that I play PC games the whole day and I do not feel like going out and meeting my relatives and friends. 
I am not able to make eye contact with my parents, I am losing my respect in their eyes. 
I am 25 and I feel like everyone is going ahead of me and I am lacking behind. I feel like if I talked about this with my relatives and friends, instead of helping me they will judge me and spread a false rumour about me(I have few relatives who spread false rumours and they love to talk about other's failure all the time).
I really need someone to express this feeling all out. 


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