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Anonymous

recently, I have gone into the phase where I am really reflecting on myself, evolving and learning new days, two weeks ago I was really really sad because I realized I don’t have a lot of friends to talk to however I have slowly learnt that you don’t necessarily need a large group of friends I have select two really good and close friends and I really adore them. I am changing and I am learning and I am satisfied with the people I have. But somewhere I have this feeling sometimes that I am kinda left out, I know some people from school, they follow me on Instagram and it is very casual but there is this girl who was very close to me last year but we have drifted apart this year, she has changed and ngl she has picked a few bad habits which I why I avoid her company she is very popular and a very so-called ‘‘cool’’ kid. she was nice to me but since the past few months she has not talked to me when I try to initiate a convo she just leaves me on seen which is why I feel bad sometimes since it is coming from a person who at a point of time was close to me. she keeps connections with my other friends but she does not talk to only me that often. I think that is because I have outgrown her or maybe I am not so sure

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Profile picture for Now&Me member @umanghai
2 replies
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Anonymous

honestly, you probably have. She doesn’t sound good for you so stay away. Happy to hear you’re feeling better! I don’t have a lot of friends either but the few
i have are lifesavers!

Profile picture for Now&Me member @umanghai

Shruti @umanghai

Hello!
In this rat rate of a world, where human beings are glued to their screens most of the time in their day, there are very few people who voluntarily take out time for themselves. I am glad you are doing that.
People usually form goal oriented friendly relationships in adulthood. By saying this I mean that every-body is running to catch the trains of their daily chores such as their Job related deadlines, family responsibilities, assignments, health and wealth related crisis, investing time to develop skills that make them more relevant. This leaves them hardly any time to go and put efforts to strike new friendships if they already have a set of people that satisfy their social need. Here, you also say that eventually, you have realized that the number of friendly relationships matter much less than the depth and the bond of a relationship. You have truly realized the age old “Quality over Quantity” debate. This realization is a happy and a critical one and will take you a long way.
Additionally, you also write about your previous difficulties in connecting with people. Here, it is integral for you to realize that there is a difference in the skills required in developing deeper friendships and connecting immediately with strangers. In the former, you may need to stand for your friend’s tough times, be a good and empathetic listener, be involved in their ups and downs of their lives, etc. This kind of investment is not required when we need to connect immediately with the strangers. When one talks about the latter, they are usually talking about people having good people skills. Every-body is not born with people skills but these skills can be learnt as we grow up. Developing these skills demands from us to work on our own personalities, being a fun, cheerful and at an ease person. Being satisfied with oneself and developing optimistic mind set towards ourselves, others and our future is one very good way to harness a pleasant personality. Having positive thoughts will make you likable by others and then you may not find it hard to connect with others. Additionally, if one learns what kind of population they are going to interact with, and depending on that chooses his conversation. This sense of saying what when and to whom is also a great asset and comes under the umbrella of people skill. An initial tip for acquiring such skill is to stay calm and grounded and try to remain more observant of others. Read their non-verbal language and learn to read in between the lines. This will only come with steady practice and consistency. There are many self-help books on Emotional Intelligence, How to influence others, etc in the market. You may want to start investing your time on these books as they may help you grab a few starting points and some initial concepts.
As for the girl… She is also a human being like you and me and looking for a fun, cheerful and an at ease person. As you have noted, she is already popular with the crown, she may already be having these skills. I also read undertones of judgments that you have on her. Our judgements about others don’t stay hidden from them. Even a small child is smart enough to understand who loves them and who pretends to like them. Coming back to the girl. Even if she has developed some bad habit, you may have eagerly judged her, rather than communicate with her about the damage her new habits have on her. She may have noticed the judgement in your recent interactions and therefore may have gotten hurt and chose to keep a distance.
On the other hand, if she really is a mean girl, it is a good thing that you were saved of her company and unnecessary heart ache.

I hope this was useful information for you. Kindly write back if the words on this message have compelled you to think more. If the information could have been better, kindly suggest what else could have been included on this.

Thanks and Regards

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