Random thought. I have realised that the subtitles for Bollywood movies don't do justice to what's actually being said. Like just right now I was watching dhoom and (!spoiler alert!) John Abraham says that "Maine kaha tha ki mai tumhare samne se chala jaunga aur tum pakad nahi paaoge" but the subtitles were "I told you, I'll walk past you and you won't have a clue" but then he jumps off and dies which basically proved that usko pakad nahi paya. The English subtitle doesn't make sense here because for one Abhishek knew who he is lol, so not have a clue kaise and it would have been so much more impactful if it said "you couldn't catch me" and he actually couldn't.
 

Maine nahi dala lol. Die likha hai so it comes on its own

3am Thoughts

How to be motivated during preparing for upsc exam when my family dont support and so many bad circumstances happening around me . Plus being a girl😑

Exam

I made a vlog and I am scared to upload it, ENCOURAGEMENT NEEDED! 

Words of affirmation and encouragement are welcome 💖

Anxiety

What are signs of depression?

Some random thoughts of mine:
 1.)I always wonder, when people text anyone after so long, do they think that other person might think- he/she just wanted to stay connected so that when the time comes he/she can ask for a favour? (Though it's wrong as people often time don't want to be judged like this, so they won't judge you like that, or maybe i am wrong as selective contemptuous prejudiced judgement is what humans do.) 
 So Even if they somehow get over this feeling, do they think i might get into their bad books as all this while i have been invisible? Or maybe not because if i put him/her in my place, this self-conscious thought goes the same.
 What if they don't wanted to be remembered or bothered now? , Probably i should not text anyone as the same monotonous conversation will happen and eventually they neglect this conversation.
 So what if i had maintained periodie coversation? if i had maintained periodie coversation, monotonous though, doesn't it mean the same ?, that there is a reason staying in contact? Or maybe not, they just don't wanted to forgotten- that's what I think what all people do. No wait- doesn't this mean we all are masquerading ourselves in the pretext of being remembered when all this while we all want someone to ask for help in crisis? If this is true, what is the point of having so many as the more people one will have, the more they will get into the desperation and hatred of being used probably, if they had helped and when time came they didn't get the same in return?
 Do people think that if they text someone and ask them how they doing, Don't he / she think that they don't even wanted to be asked- how he/she is doing? Maybe because they don't want to talk, if this is true then why do they remain in contact?, Just to deceive themselves that they have people when all this while all they do is neglect and try to find someone with whom their vibe will match?(vibe: which i think is nothing but a reason to deny the reason that somewhere it's their assumed hierarchy- he/she is below that status to even considered to have a conversation with), if yes then do they judge themselves? and with what rationality ? We all have different personalities, so what would one achieve finding person similar to themselves, probably because they want less conflict. If this is true then why do relationships get boring, if finding someone like you is the goal. Doesn't this mean they have never really liked themselves?
 2.) I wonder, if i wish someone, do they really accept that or they just pretend that they felt good after seeing my message?
 Fuck, i must not think 😅 or all will be left with thoughts😵😵😂😂

Overthinking

I hear people saying that they change their jobs and hobbies often once they got it they are not interested anymore. They need a constant challenge. But I don’t need even to complete something to lose interest. Just continuously coming up with new ideas without doing anything. I search for a job, apply - nothing. I’m aware you should be more persistent to get one but this is what I see: thousands lost in the unknown space with air and water trying to get the same thing. All those career inspirations… Do they really believe what they say about meaning and significance? Just need money and getting them in a more comfortable way. Let’s take a job web design: popular and not super difficult to acquire. Spending hours collecting info in different corners of the screen with pretty colors for business who in the same pathetic way just tries to keep living. Okay doctors are cool! I admire the spirit of this profession a lot! To learn about human body and how the world affects it and how can you ease human suffering and continue living. That you actually can find a way to heal a person. Really cool, but really confusing. Never can be sure. So many people eventually heal themselves as doctors can't say them right or even got it worse because of them. I don’t think its their false as this knowledge is really unknown and life proves to be out of our control and understanding. Plus I’m not sure I have that level of compassion if would see people suffer and die everyday I feel like I would get used to and lose sympathy (but I don't know I need to have a real experience). I'm enough lucky person I guess I didn't have yet dear people or in general die and suffer around massively and vividly but I already see it as normal. Trying to work independently how to get clients? Again thousands selling the same or almost the same things/services. Just a big circus. 
Few options that I see: 
1)get out of this type perception of mine 
2)accept my perception and find a way to adapt to reality 
3)stop my existence but it’s not a universal solution as it seem to be. First of all, I wouldn’t do it (I do nothing and dying is doing although the fact that it’s the last doing could be an inspiration). Then, you don’t know what exactly happens after no one came back and made a report yet and I believe that “it always could be worse”. And last, still for my family it would feel awful. They got to love me because I happened to born here and spend a lot of time with them we got connected by this experience for unknown reasons. They don’t know me although we basically live together but they would never understand why did I do this they actually would have horrible reasons like unrequited love and etc. 
I wonder if something will ever change in my life. Or I would just hang around doing nothing hoping doing something I like imagining it but then I’m reality living the opposite. Would something happen if I won’t do it? What would it be? How and when? Would I be able to understand it? I almost don’t believe in me changing my own life. In my controlling it. In me giving it direction. 


Depression

Okay so i had a breakup few months ago 
She left me because she wants to be alone 
After some days we meet we were frnds then slowly i started been hurt beacuse i love her. And that time. She was staying little bit same as she was with me earlier. But one day she didnt called me or didnt msg me so i send a hurt full msg. After that we were talking but too often. Then one day i was too drunk and i expressed my feeling through msg and she seenzoned me 
Next day i call her msg her she was like dont distrub me so i blocked her.
Now i was having her social media acc she was not knowing after few day she got to know that i was having access of her acc. She unblocked me we had a fight and after that she blocked me every where. 
I know i was wrong at some  point but 
Now Iam confused that should i try to contact her or not 
One of my friend told me she wants to talk to you but beacuse you accessed her acc so she is angry and hurt 
Few months ago when we fall apart at that time i was to needy i cried hell lot of time in front of her saying pls dont go 
Lastly...
I still have feelings for her but im confused what to do 
Now almost its been 1 month we are not in contact 
Any one can help?


Breakup

All my friends are hanging out and didn’t invite me or ask about me 🙃

Friends

is there really true love in this world? is love when people get into relationship and flirt? is it love when a man spend all is money to this woman? what is love actually i dont really know. i never felt LOVE, i cant really feel it i just dont believe in love anymore. love can be any kind of love theres family love, friend love and theres this one love that i cant find, does this love really exist. but in my circumstances i dont really feel all that love. i just wanna live my life happily, but the question is can i really live my life happily without LOVE, do i need love to live happily? sometimes love is somewhere there but you cant really feel it, thats me right now lost and confuse. i do want to proof to everyone that I can live without love, we as a human just want the company and the attention we get from people, they enjoy the attention they get till they realise they just love the attention they get and not the person, kind of sad but thats what i thought of love. basically love is just a moment that doesnt last long, specially these days they dont take love seriously, they take it so lightly that makes love look like nothing. you dont just say I LOVE YOU and call it love, you have to act it out and show your love not even money can show love, love is very beautiful but also painful. can anyone tell me what actually is love?

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts