Puri duniya k liye patthar ban gyi hu. Ab kisi ki baaton me nhi ati. Lekin Aaj bhi tumhari chhoti se chhoti bat yad Ane par ankhon me ansoo aa jate hai. I miss you.

Dil dadhkan aur donkha sab rakh hogaya !!

Missing the wrong one and still suffering 

Life

So, when I was young, like in school! My friends were getting Tattoos n stuff, though I never really wanted to get one, I liked the idea of being in groove of what was happening. We were a big gang and a few of us decided that we'll draw something cool and pretend they were Tattoos n stuff. 
My school was super conservative n all and my teachers were, I don't know from the 1800s I guess. 
It so happened that got caught when I was trying to darken my pretend Tattoo with a black pen, I sit my the window, so it was an easier view. 
I was made to call my parents the same day snd got suspended for 2 days. I dint rat out my friends when interrogated, I just lied by saying I liked Tattoos. 

My family is also conservative, that night after I got belted . I slept with alot of pain from all that beatings, I woke up cause I was hungry, and heard my parents telling each other that I am on drugs 😅 of course they thought I was asleep. 

I'm 29, and to this day, iv not even seen how drugs look like. Well on Google, sure. But no live experience. 
My parents still think I'm some whore n slut or I don't know,  some addict.. ? 
But no, I'm earning tons of money n actually pretty smart. 
For some reason, I don't wanna break their perception. 

3am Thoughts


How do you relax your self? 

Quotes

Congratulations world🎉🎉🎉
You succeeded, you gave me so much hate
Now i hate myself, my life and every minor details about me

Mental Health

Anyone Bi here? 

I hv been bullied since i was a kid
Finnally i was happy with some true souls i found who dint bullied me 
But then adulthood come
My parents put restrictions on me
About.
Where to go.what to eat.when to do this,that .and fuck Every thing....now idk why but i want to go back as kid without any restriction but i don't want to at same time because of painfully being bullied
I'm stuck
Badly

So the ICU duty began taking a toll on my mental health so much that I practically have anxiety now. Everyday before my duty hours I start having anxiety and palpitations. And I feel really sad for no reason. I decided to seek professional help and I am on medications now.
Never thought I would need help but I am in this position now.
Icu just change you.. everyone's experience of icu could be different and frightening in it's own way. For me it's just the loud ventilator sounds and seeing patients in very critical situation. 
Seeing a patient and knowing they won't make it till next day.. and then calling their families to tell the same
Not a single day passes that I don't witness 2-4 deaths . Sometimes I get very numb at my duty I stop feeling stuff and my extremities turn cold.
In Kargil war when  600 something soldiers died 
There were songs written memorials built and their families were supported.
900 doctors have died while doing covid duties but no one talks about them.
Sometimes I do wonder all this for what?
These people praising online will they even support our families if we aren't there?
No.
Yet  we go back to our duties everyday.
I type this with 100 fever but I tested negative so I have to go back and work in the icu anyway. 

COVID-19

How is everyone it's been awhile yes I'm still here I'm ok

Adulting

How to get away from toxic inlaws, when your husband is a sweet heart and we live in an ultra mansion, but living with toxic in laws many at times makes me want to shoot myself point blank in the head 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts