Please listenā¦I donāt know how to cope with overwhelming amount of jealousy and anger. I especially feel terrible because it is towards friends and familyā¦of whom I feel are doing well in areas that I am lackingā¦from personal endeavorsā¦like artā¦to love and beautyā¦which has been fruitless in my life. I feel that I am lacking in all areasā¦and it stems from a broken past which keeps arising in my thoughtsā¦and persists through anxiety and depression. I feel like I give up and I know that when I give up I cant possibly achieve anythingā¦but then when I do try I feel like im always in competitionā¦and it overwhelms me even moresoā¦all going round in a vicious cycleā¦that sums up to anger frustration and the horrible feeling of envy.
I know that jealousy stems from poor self esteemā¦im aware of thisā¦but if i feel like I have nothing to offerā¦and noone especially tells me I doā¦then i feel worthless. Like im trying to squeeze myself into something or somewhere I donāt belongā¦any thoughts on this? As stated, I feel horrible guiltā¦but the jealousy and envy are still presentā¦i just donāt know how to cope anymoreā¦itās isolatingā¦and infuriatingā¦especially whrn im pretty much alone anyhowā¦
Meditate, that would be the first thing I would suggest you.
Second, understand that it is not your fault that youāre lacking in the areas others are doing well, figure out what you love and start doing that. You donāt need to do what everyone is doing and it is not important at what age youāre starting, better part is at least youāre starting. Do not compare yourself from those in your surrounding. Try to figure out your area of interest and start pursuing it.
Ask yourself are others capable of doing that one thing which youāre capable of doing.? Thereās always one thing which makes everyone stand out from others in that group. To vent your anger, start meditation, write as much as you can and before writing start reading books. Reading books will help you focus on yourself rather than focusing on what is not necessary. Reading books will enhance your knowledge in any subject you wish. Watch YouTube videos of the subjects you wish to know about. Maybe learn calligraphy or mandala art. Listen to some peaceful songs, get into yoga and dance. There are so many things you can do right now and opportunities of learners have increased during this lockdown. Tell me what are you pursuing right now so I can suggest you what you can do.
Firstly, thank you for your response, it means well with meā¦ All is needed sometimes is a listening earā¦so to say
Long story short I feel inadequate in many thingsā¦even in the thing i love most which happens to be artā¦i am not competitive by natureā¦but there is a dark and ugly side to me that feels anger and jealousyā¦that others around me receove more attnetion for something i feel I do wellā¦but I have not put my heart into it I feel alsoā¦especially since I am older ā¦26 to be exactā¦i jusg hate that its something that ive always been encouraged to do but when i doā¦i just feel unease the entire timeā¦like Iām wasting my timeā¦im not good enoughā¦and its not even that I dont want others to do wellā¦i doā¦i just feel left outā¦without anything i feel i wantedā¦no s.o. no desire to fulfill anything anymoreā¦i did make that a story didnt I?
Anyhow I do appreciate the time taken to respond in the first place so thank you.
Always there to listen :) and regarding anger and jealousy, I already told you the solutions and do not focus on what others are doing and how they are doing because in the end of the day itās who you matters, itās what your efforts matter and itās what your earn for yourself matters the most, others are not going to feed you in future, so figure out what you can do for yourself and you can not excel in any field if you do not start working on it. One simply isnāt born with all the qualities for what they have been doing, they produce those qualities within them, right? And you can start whatever you likeā¦ art is vast field, it has no limits and remember - to excel in art it takes time because itās not everyoneās cup of tea. So before you think about being excellent in anything you do, choose one thing, focus on that and most importantly believe in yourself, no matter if others do or not because when one day youāll be successful enough everyone will find their way to you and at that time if you look back youāll find there are many congratulations but there were really 0 supporters. All the best! If thereās anything else, please let me know :)
