Please listen…I don’t know how to cope with overwhelming amount of jealousy and anger. I especially feel terrible because it is towards friends and family…of whom I feel are doing well in areas that I am lacking…from personal endeavors…like art…to love and beauty…which has been fruitless in my life. I feel that I am lacking in all areas…and it stems from a broken past which keeps arising in my thoughts…and persists through anxiety and depression. I feel like I give up and I know that when I give up I cant possibly achieve anything…but then when I do try I feel like im always in competition…and it overwhelms me even moreso…all going round in a vicious cycle…that sums up to anger frustration and the horrible feeling of envy.
I know that jealousy stems from poor self esteem…im aware of this…but if i feel like I have nothing to offer…and noone especially tells me I do…then i feel worthless. Like im trying to squeeze myself into something or somewhere I don’t belong…any thoughts on this? As stated, I feel horrible guilt…but the jealousy and envy are still present…i just don’t know how to cope anymore…it’s isolating…and infuriating…especially whrn im pretty much alone anyhow…
Meditate, that would be the first thing I would suggest you.
Second, understand that it is not your fault that you’re lacking in the areas others are doing well, figure out what you love and start doing that. You don’t need to do what everyone is doing and it is not important at what age you’re starting, better part is at least you’re starting. Do not compare yourself from those in your surrounding. Try to figure out your area of interest and start pursuing it.
Ask yourself are others capable of doing that one thing which you’re capable of doing.? There’s always one thing which makes everyone stand out from others in that group. To vent your anger, start meditation, write as much as you can and before writing start reading books. Reading books will help you focus on yourself rather than focusing on what is not necessary. Reading books will enhance your knowledge in any subject you wish. Watch YouTube videos of the subjects you wish to know about. Maybe learn calligraphy or mandala art. Listen to some peaceful songs, get into yoga and dance. There are so many things you can do right now and opportunities of learners have increased during this lockdown. Tell me what are you pursuing right now so I can suggest you what you can do.
Firstly, thank you for your response, it means well with me… All is needed sometimes is a listening ear…so to say
Long story short I feel inadequate in many things…even in the thing i love most which happens to be art…i am not competitive by nature…but there is a dark and ugly side to me that feels anger and jealousy…that others around me receove more attnetion for something i feel I do well…but I have not put my heart into it I feel also…especially since I am older …26 to be exact…i jusg hate that its something that ive always been encouraged to do but when i do…i just feel unease the entire time…like I’m wasting my time…im not good enough…and its not even that I dont want others to do well…i do…i just feel left out…without anything i feel i wanted…no s.o. no desire to fulfill anything anymore…i did make that a story didnt I?
Anyhow I do appreciate the time taken to respond in the first place so thank you.
Always there to listen :) and regarding anger and jealousy, I already told you the solutions and do not focus on what others are doing and how they are doing because in the end of the day it’s who you matters, it’s what your efforts matter and it’s what your earn for yourself matters the most, others are not going to feed you in future, so figure out what you can do for yourself and you can not excel in any field if you do not start working on it. One simply isn’t born with all the qualities for what they have been doing, they produce those qualities within them, right? And you can start whatever you like… art is vast field, it has no limits and remember - to excel in art it takes time because it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. So before you think about being excellent in anything you do, choose one thing, focus on that and most importantly believe in yourself, no matter if others do or not because when one day you’ll be successful enough everyone will find their way to you and at that time if you look back you’ll find there are many congratulations but there were really 0 supporters. All the best! If there’s anything else, please let me know :)