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Anonymous

Please guys, help me out otherwise I might go mad in few days. Since my childhood I always wanted to become an adult as fast as I can because I wanted to be away from my parents. Yeah my home is no less than a war zone almost everyday. When I was a kid, I used to be scared of my mom so I used to listen to everything what she asked me to do actually even now am scared of her and that’s why my mental growth is zero. 4 years ago I managed to get a seat in an engineering college in the farthest place possible from my house so that no one asks me to come home in holidays. So for 3 years I used to go home only for the summer vacation and winter vacation (i.e once in 6 months). Though I was not happy in college too because of various reasons but still it was better than staying with my parents. There were many times when all my friends had gone home and I had stayed all alone in the hostel. Yeah it was bit depressing but still I felt good. But now due to this lockdown am back to my home and have been her for almost 2 months now and trust me the relationship of my parents has gone worse. My mom has got lot of complaints against my dad and maybe they are justified but now as an adult i thought of helping her to see beyond this. The main problem is she is too rigid to change. She just thinks whatever she thinks or assumes is right and its not only about dad but for everyone in the family. She never got any friends so she never even tries anymore to make one and that’s why she cant share anything with anyone. Before, she used to atleast share with her parents or sister but now even they have understood that my mom herself doesn’t want to find a solution because she has closed her eyes to see anything good about my dad… Well my dad is a weird person because he might not get angry like mom but he gives such a cold and irritating answer that anyone will get angry after talking to him because even my maternal grand parents tried to suggest him some tips to help my mom in household chores but he doesn’t change. He thinks however he is there is nothing wrong and what he told me is my mom is not intelligent enough to understand him so that’s why he doesn’t talk with her. Since the lockdown I have been trying to explain my mom that life is not about clinging to all your complaints but it is about trying to find solution to those problems but everyday if I start talking anything about dad, she just gets angry and says u just mind your business don’t try to help me out. she just says that she knows there is no solution to this. I am trying so hard to show her the solution but why can’t she see it. I even told her that if you say this that mind your own business then let me run away from the house that would be the most selfish thing I can do and then she just says i have got lot of work don’t disturb me with your stupid things. I have the guts to run away because last year I had booked my tickets to go to an unknown place but I had stopped only because I wanted to help my mom out of this problem and now for past 2 months I have been trying to show her a path but she is just in denial mode. It is not only this 2 months. Since my childhood my mom told me all her problems that she faced with dad, or in-laws or even with her parents but now as I have grown up I will have my own say right and I feel all these years she has been clinging to all of these problems like a magnet. Is it really soo difficult to forgive your husband if he tried to misbehave with your parents. Yes, it might be difficult for maybe one 1 year 2 years but she has been angry with him for past 10 years. Cmon man, like even I had got a friend who called me slut bitch when she was angry 4 years ago but now if she comes and talk to me I don’t think I will have that hatred towards her anymore. Please help what should I do? Should I just stop showing solutions to her and mind my own business or should I keep trying?

6 Comments
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nemisisss
@nemisisss

you should talk to her more about your experiences that might be similar to yours. She wont like answers because she wants to do things her own way. My advice would be to go have a long chat with your mom and try to reassure her.

Anonymous

Everyday I have been doing it, like I gave all my experiences in day to day life and showed how I tackled it and even she can. But she is just very adamant. I spend atleast 3 hours per day to just explain her that life can be simple but all in vain…

Anonymous

I think you should stop showing solutions to her. The past cannot be changed, it can just be accepted. And so, you need to accept the kind of person your mom has become because of her past. Just stop making her remember her past again and again by trying to provide solutions, and try to keep her happy instead.
Things will get better, trust me.

Anonymous

But staying at home has become soo difficult. I really cant see my parents like this. I am always tensed at home that when my dad will say something which mom wont like or when will mom get angry because of something dad did. See, I wouldn’t have shown solutions if I would nt have got affected with their fights, but I am always just thinking or checking what to say or what to do to reduce the number of fights. Even I want my freedom at my own home. Even i want to live and say whatever I want at my home. How can this be a home where I don’t have freedom to even share my own problms because my mom has started my problems to my dad now. I am not a very happy person or positive person to always have a sorted out life. Even I want to shout when I am angry but I cant at my own house. I dont know how can all these things get better

i
@isaiah2004

I think it will be easier if you convince your dad to talk to her.
I mean you taking an engineering degree. Maybe he thinks your smart.
Tell him to talk to her cause she is his wife, his life partner. He only gets one…

Anonymous

The main problem is both of them married with a wrong goal. My dad married because he thought he will get a free maid to take care of home n cook him food whereas my mom married because she wanted to just get out her hometown where there is no growth (though she had told her parents that she doesn’t like the guy but Indian’s parents main goal is to marry off their daughter as soon as they can and hence they didn’t listen to her much) The same is the case with dad, even he had told his parents that he didn’t like my mom and in my paternal family only my paternal grandpa liked my mom, no one else. and as he is the head of the family he forced the decision on to his son and atlast they got married without their wish. The worst thing is after my mom went to her in-laws house within a year my paternal grandpa passed away so since it has been very difficult for my mom because literally no one likes her in her in-laws and neither husband and nor does she like her in-laws or her husband.
Well, I had tried a lot to talk to my dad about this but the main problem is he doesn’t like her man and for that he really doesn’t like to help her or consider her as a life partner even. At my home it has been 10 years that both of them hardly had a good time. We all sit alone in our rooms and do our work and when its eating time we put on the television n keep looking at it without much talking. I really can’t live like this, but neither I am happy outside my house. I am really trapped in this whole thing. I wanna just take my mom somewhere and live peacefully. I could never connect with my dad since childhood. It was just my mom always so even if I try now I think thousand times before talking to my dad. Please tell me what to do?