Please don't do this 
Please don't 
Aakifah you are stronger than this
Just a little longer 
Please stay in there 
Please don't give up 
Please I beg you don't do this

Suicidal Ideation

I got 2 friends who have their birthday today but i am delaying to wish them coz all i did last year was with full excitement but they even forgot my birthday.

Confusion

i saw this reel (new trend) with the song "enchanted" by Taylor Swift, the caption goes like this-
me: i don't feel like being in a relationship, i am not ready yet and I am confused.
him: don't worry, i'm also not ready for relationship yet.
me: *song plays in bg* "please don't be in love with someone else"
and that really hit hard, i felt that-
like for whom i felt that about their feelings, i've got no idea but from my side i felt that "please don't be in love with someone else" even though i am not ready for a relationship and for a fact ik i'm never gonna be. Even in future, if i were to fall in love with them, i'd never get in a relationship because i've huge huge huge trust issues and commitment issues. Also,  I am an asexual (and exploring more about myself) and they are straight but sometimes I get the vibe they like me too, but they are very kind in general, so like idk? But yeah, whenever i feel like they are making me blush by messaging me something i try to change the subject. Idk, i just wanted to let this all out. 

I know not to sound like a cry baby but recently I have been in a relationship with guy who is good in all aspects but somehow these days, there are many misunderstanding which is happening between us. 
He uses this silent treatment where he just avoids talking to me for as long as he can. 
He has even told me not to disturb him when he's mad. 
But somehow I don't understand what it is that I say that makes him this mad. 
A minute ago we were having this great conversation and within seconds he just stops talking and when I ask him what happened to him suddenly he doesn't answer or just avoids. 
I just don't understand whether all relationships are this way or mine is like this. 


Conflict

For the past few months I hv been depressed and mentally exhausted.
I have no one to talk to and express my feelings to I have lost alot of friends due to them being toxic and changing into bad people I feel abandoned and the little things make me tear up exams are stressing me out my parents dont care about my feelings and just want me to study I try opening up to them but they just blame me i just wish to be happy and be surrounded by people who love and just hv a nice normal life again

Depression

Never knew I'll be feeling this lonely someday. It's been almost 2 months she felt me all of a sudden without giving any proper reason. To assure my self all I can say is that she got bored of me why else would someone break a 5 year old relationship suddenly. I tried my level best to save it but I couldn't even today when I try to contact her she still ignores me. When she didn't even wish me on my birthday I realised that she doesn't care at all, I'm dead to her. She left me when needed her the most. She knew through what I was going yet she decided to leave me. It's hard to focus on things which are important at the moment. I also have lost touch with some of my closest friend. I have no self respect left and I can't figure out why I still want her instead I should hate her for doing all this to me. A simple conversation could have solved all this but I can't figure out why she opted this instead. It's very hard to pretend that I am happy. My mom dad keeps questioning me why have I become like this all of a sudden and there's nothing I could say. None of my friends supported me during this time. I have decided to stay alone so nowadays I eat alone outside, go for a walk alone I don't know what to do , I should be studying but I find it very difficult to do. Just wanted to speak my heart out somewhere as I couldn't speak it out to her. Hoping I get things sorted asap.

Breakup

So today was test about purchasing entry in clg muje kasam se kuch nahi aata tha 
Like i only remember the meaning and definition of the question 
Fir bhi 3 page ka answer likha kar aaya hu 
The test  was an normal test nothing serious or special 
Like aadhe page ka answer yaad tha muje usko 3 page mai likha 
Talent 😌😎😂😂😂😂🤣🤣
Aab marks bhi waise he milege 


3am Thoughts

I miss my ex, it’s been 2 years since she cheated and left. I just haven’t moved on ever since. She’s very happy with her boyfriend but I’m all alone. Plus the lockdown’s making me go crazy.  I feel really depressed about it. 

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