Part 4:

With that information and seeing her with that bf once in a market place ,were enough to make me move on...But boy if it's that easy...
       Work work work and watching anime to forget about her  was the only escape as working in 12 hours shifts and mandatory isolation already enough to cut off from my friends.
1.5 years passed and the covid situation started to settle.We started seeing each other in office...again

Colleague

Drunk, sad, despair, broken.

After pissing off her after my last post, she started ignoring me. She hardly talked, I said sorry, apologized in every other way, but still she didn't make it any better. I have given her time, its been 3 weeks we hardly have talked, few days back I texted her that I'm missing her and I want to see her soon. 
Yesterday 14/04/2021 our friends celebrated birthday of two of our friends, and during that one of our mutual friend told me, about my girl that she has been sending her screenshots that I'm making her feel uncomfortable and she doesn't love me. And here I'm typing this blog when I know she doesn't love me. I don't know what to do. I have been literally, crying all night, I have exam today 16/04/2021 I don't know what to do. I cannot sleep, its hurting. I cannot even smile, after knowing about the screenshot thing, from 2 days I haven't been able to talk to anyone, even my bestfriend failed to bring a smile. My world is falling apart, I don't know what to do. Maybe I should be numb in class, and forget that I know her or any of them. Maybe I will be able to focus on what's mine, its me at end. This 2 years of my 20s have been really hurting. Temporary People. I love her dude, I love her alot, I never take her for granted, I don't even make her feel bad vibes around me, I prioritize her at first than anyone else. I don't know what to do! FCKMYLIFE

Is it so hard to find someone who will love you like you love them?

Hearts breaking, losing sense of happiness, getting ignored, constantly trying to make up to her, giving her the space, trying to be less active in groups, so that she can enjoy and not be awkward around me. Yet it's not working. I'm addict.

One Sided Love

I was in relationship from last 8 years but last year in pandemic I was admitted due to several blood plotting in brain ven as change of brain tumor but it was migraine problem an plots where not for that at that time I was unable to talk to her not able to give her time so she was depressed and I was feeling if I tells her about my health she will be worried so I didn't told her about that but I gave her hint I am suffering some health issue plz don't worry we will have a great talk soon but that treatment and hospitalized period took too long like last for 6 months n she moved towards killing love aspect and leaved me now I tried to beg her after all explain she don't wann talk she just say leave alone we can't I don't believe in love n I don't even love you I just was unconscious due to lack of food and migraine even she don't care now I am still on bed only still she don't wann talk even at last she said fuck youself n suggested me to go on this community ...

Breakup

should I continue thinking about her 
been in a love triangle she got with the second guy left me behind and then they both broke up me being in love from like 4 years still can't get over her 

3am Thoughts

I just got out of a serious relationship. apparently i think she’s bpd and i tried with everything that’s left in me to help her. it didn’t turn out well. it just drained me and made me lose myself. i’m glad i got out of it but i still find it really hard to move on. memories are too vivid

Confused about breaking up with her!!! PLZZ HELPP!! she is sweet and caring no doubt, but I don't feel the same for her maybe with not the same intensity but I at times feel suffocated. I also don't want to break up heart but I also want to get out of it. It feels like I am trapped inside a box, on hand I feel I can just go on with my life without her being there to nag me all the time, the other times I feel like I want her to be there for me... Mann seriously I am so confused about breaking up with her.
I remember once my boss said about me ""he cannot live with me, he cannot live without me"", and it feels so much relatable in this case for me, I want to continue with her but also feel irritated with her at times. Wish there was an easy way to get away from this confusion. What do you guys think? What should I do? I think she was the perfect person when we started dating, she used to care for me, look after me, I liked that too, but after around 2 years of being with her I am feeling like this. 
Before you guys tell me that I am cheating on her I am starting to like some other girl, I am not I am really really confused about breaking up and it has nothing to relate with any other girl. I swear!!
I bet people around the world must go through the same feeling, they definitely be confused about breaking up with their partner sometime during their relationship, I won't be alone who face this.

Confusion

I am an introvert person. I feel very anxious when I go out on public, I start feeling breathless. I have not been very good with people in my life. I have tried to make things better for me but it's so difficult. I just finished college and there is a girl who loves me alot but for some reason I keep hurting and pushing her away, sometimes I feel I am not worthy of her love for me. I am trying to be a better man for her  I just don't want to hurt her anymore. Should I leave her and let her find her happiness?

Lonely

i have been dealing with depression for probably 5 years atleast. now I havent actually done anything to fix it. never confronted it, never sought help. I just hid from it my few littlle comfort. hid myself from the world. so one would say I ahve been stagnant for these years. no real growth. my biggest support was my gf. she was all i cared about. didnt care about anything else. not even my self. but it came to the ppoint where it seems her feelings changed. after 7 years. and the distance wasnt making it better especially with covid. but i wouldve never expected this betrayal. i saw the signs but i didnt want to admit it. because i thought she cared about me most in this world. she wouldnt make up her mind with what she wanted with the relationship. i asked her time and time again if she wanted to break up. she keeps telling me she thinks that would be a mistake. she will tell me she still wants me so i stayed, because i had nothing else. I come to find out she is getting rather comfy with another guy. and she kept feeding me the excuse that its just a friend. i put my foot down one day. told her you cant do this. not when you are in a relationship, if you want this you have to stop. but im not forcing you. she accepts it and agrees. then suddenly ignores me for days and then when she finally says something is that she needs space. i say ok. i keep making step backs for her. for months i have been putting myself through misery because of her. then i notice she back at it again with the guy. after what we just dicussed. i snapped. i was ready for it to end. she comes back stating shes not cheating me if thats what i think. i told her i was ready for it to end. does she want to end it, does she want to be with the guy. she said she guesses hes more important than she thought but she just enjoys the friendship. and that she still wants to be with me. and like an idiot, i folded once again. but before we ended that discussion, i said to her what if he made a move, and ask that you leave me for him. here with a patronzing response, she pretends has if she has any integrity. she states that is very unrealistic of me to even say that. she would never leave her relationship for the friend. and funny enough she says she wouldnt even want to associate with someone like that. i said my final piece, pls dont do that. that will break me. im fragile i know. i dont want to be that way but i am. she claims she would never. fast forward, i take a 5 hr flight to another state to take an exam for her. come back. we got into altercation. she says she needed space. i gave her space. week later she ignores me still. so i think maybe 2 weeks is fine. near the 2 week mark i contacted her. can we talk. wnated to share what was on my mind. that i myself need to take a step back because im too attached to her and i fear getting hurt. not to end it but i wont force her to spend time with me(which was extremely difficult). she says wait after i say my first few words. and that she guesses she has something to say. like she didnt plan to say it in the first place. i say ok. waited. still no message. but my gut told me what it is. so i said it for her. for the coward. are you breaking up with me? she said yes. i said why, is it because of the guy? she said yes. and im like wait are you in a relationship with him. she said yes. he iniated it. she accepted. im just shockd. why would you do that. why wouldnt u go about it that way. all she had to say it happens. as if its no big deal. as if i was nothing to her. so i snapped. i broke. she showed no care or remorse. i wanted her to feel my pain. i cursed her out, i told her to remove our photos on our social media accounts. the girl had the nerve to eb in a new relationship and try to keep it undercover. i was disgusted. i was hurt. i was lost. i was drinking. i got very desturctive. harrassed a bit more. called her names. she folded long before from the altercation. she is weak when it comes to confrontation. i tried to get rid of the pain. but this didnt help. eventually i gave up, more broken than ever. everyday i think about the whole situation. i cant feel anymore happy feelings.  i feel dead inside. every day i think about killing myself. on a few occasions i was rather close to doing it. i fear i may actually one day if i am still in this state. nothing in life interests me anymore. i jut want to stop feeling

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